Bitter secrets
by Alexis Mede
Summary: So,here I am. I've been transported into this stupid anime world along with my two best friends, just in time to see Wall Maria collapse. Now,we've decided to join the 104 trainees squad with no idea what to do. What am I going to do?...
1. Chapter 1

_Hello people!So this is another stuck in Shingeki no kyogin fanfiction._

_The first chapter's a bit tiny but the next will probably be longer._

_ Anyways, just wanted to inform you guys that English is not my first language so there will be grammatical mistakes._

_Other that that,Enjoy!_

* * *

I looked at myself in the mirror."Wow,I look pretty amazing!" I exclaimed.

Fifteen minutes ago,my Shingeki no kyogin cosplay Survey Corps uniform had just arrived straight from Japan.I'd practically squealed like an obssesive fan girl when I saw the postman at my front door.

Luckily,my parents were gone on some business trip so I had the house all to myself,which meant I could parade around my house like an idiot.

I pulled my green hood over my head.I really wished my 3d maneauver gear was real,then I'd wear the hood to hide my face and swing from a tree.I'd probably make it in the news.I wasn't totally in love with Shingeki no kyogin.I'd watched the anime months ago and I hate watching animes again,and I didn't even watch the dubbed.

But boy do I wish SNK was real...

There was a loud knock on the door.I glanced outside the two best friends,Sam and Haley were out on my front yard,waving at me.

"Hey Alexis!" shouted Sam,"How about you let us into that deep, dark dungeon of yours!"

I rolled my eyes,I did not live in a it was true that I hated sunshine and bright things and preffered my whole house to be lit with candles.I wondered whether I should open the door or not.

My friends knew nothing about me being a SNK fan,and they'd probably laugh at me,but it was alright.

Besides,even if they did,I could just murder them or something.

I ran down the stairs and opened the door.I put on my best glare which usually scared them to no end so they would shut up.

First,they glanced at me,then my uniform,and a smile started forming on Sam's face.

"Um,Alexis," began Haley,"Halloween's a couple of months away,you know."."Well I decided to shop early."I replied.

"I have no idea where you got this costume," said Sam,"And frankly,I don't put on some normal clothes so that we can go to the park for the horse riding 's gonna kill us if we arrive late."

"Sure thing." I replied.I was pretty tempted to wear the uniform and go horse riding .I could just imagine myself on my horse with Titans running behind me,trying to squish me.I was pretty excited too,despite all three of us being fifteen,this was the first time we were riding.

Some of the downsides of living in a big city.

I changed into some regular clothes and met my friends outside.

"Come 's go!" I said,pulling the two of them along and starting to run.

We arrived at a traffic sign said'Do not cross',but there was hardly any car in sight.

"Come on,we can make it across." said Sam and started crossing the road.I followed alongside .

Alexis had an uneasy look on her face and followed a little way behind.

Suddenly, a car came out of no where,I didn't even have time to push Sam out of the way and before I knew it,Hales had joined us too.

Now the car was too near for us to move out of the way.I didn't scream,I never screamed in situations like this.I just held my two best friends in the whole wide world close to me,as we waited for impact.

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_Hope you people liked !_


	2. Chapter 2

_So this is chapter 2._

_I apologise for the spelling errors._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

I opened my eyes.

I was lying in a beautiful flowery was a light breeze air was filled with the beautiful scent of flowers.I laid on my back,looking at the blue cloudless I noticed around me,far away in the distance were were practically huge,probably fifty meters or something.

How did I get here?The last thing I remembered was bracing myself along with Sam and Haley,with the car about to hit us.

The grass around me tickled my skin.I pushed myself in a sitting position.

The field was big,stretching far away,until there was a cliff and all I could see were the was a river a bit far away too.

_Why would a field be surrounded by walls?_ I wondered to were a few trees here and there,not much though._Where am I?Is this Heaven?Then where are all the other people?_

I had expected myself to wake up in a hospital or something,maybe I was in a coma or something,like,not dead but not alive in between.

No,this couldn't be happening.I looked down at my hands, were really fair,almost hair came over my face.

They weren't my couldn't have been my hair were supposed to be they were brown,dark brown.I touched my back,to feel my new soft a few flicks reached my shoulders and curled at the rest were dead straight,and they reached my waist.

I looked down at my clothes.I only wore a simple white dress that reached my knees and white leggings underneath.

I looked around once again,and finally noticed the other two girls near me.

One was a blonde,with her hair in pigtails,that reached a bit past her shoulders.

She had fair skin and was curled like a ball.

She was wearing the same white dress as me.

I looked at the other,she had black hair,fair skin and laid on her side,with the same attire as me.

I just sat there looking at the two for a few seconds.I was really surprised by the fact that I was so calmly handling all this.I was never a person to freak out but still,this was really weird.

I looked at my hands again.I felt no pain,no injury,no sign that I had been hit by a car.

I looked at the two girls._Should I wake them up?_

I rubbed my eyes.I did feel tired though,and fact,I felt really,really tired.I continued rubbing my eyes and running a hand through my hair.  
I continued looking around,admiring the beauty of the field.

Everything about it was flowers,the trees,the scent.

But the walls,they felt wrong.I'd always hated walls,they always made feel like I was caged,like there was always a limit to everything,It used to make me angry.

I stared at the big walls.

So huge,so scary.I couldn't see if there were people over there,but I could hear very low sounds,like a crowd of people,like a marketplace.

_So maybe there are people here.I should probably wake up the other two girls,who ever they are._

Something caught my a bit of a distance,underneath a tree,were two people,a boy and a girl.

The boy seemed to have been awoken by the girl._I wonder why I hadn't noticed them before._

The two of them moved out of the shade of the tree and I could see them clearly now.

My heart nearly stopped.

_T-that c-cant be...How is this even possible?_But there was no mistaking it,those green eyes,those black hair...

The boy was Eren Jaeger.

The girl moved in view.

As I expected,it was Mikasa Ackerman.

Luckily,the two of them hadn't noticed me.I started shaking slightly._This c-cant be h-happening.I'm in the Shingeki no kyogin world._

I gripped my head,trying to remember the anime.

It started with Eren waking up in the first episode,then the South Regiment came,then Armin...

Then the Colossal Titan came.

I looked at the two girls sadly._Why are they here?What did they do to deserve to enter into this world ?_

Suddenly,the two girls started waking up.

They sat up in a sitting position,just like me,rubbing their eyes,and lazily looking around like they's just awoken in their beds.

The black haired one was the first to snap into her senses.

She glanced at the blonde first,then me,then around the field.

The blonde did the same,then started freaking out.

"W-where are we?" she looked like she was going to cry.

"Calm down," I said,and was pretty surprised by how soft my voice sounded.

The black haired one turned to me with a worried look on her face."Where are we?" she asked,like she going to cry herself.

"I know where we are,"I said soothingly,"And I'll tell you,but first tell me your names."

The black haired one said,"Sam."

The blonde said,"Haley."

"No." I whispered.

_No!no no no no!Why did they have to enter this place?I don't wan't them here!They might die!_

"Hey,are you okay? Haley asked.

I realized I was shaking."It's fine guys," I replied,"It's me, Alexis."

After their initial shock,Haley pulled me in for a tight hug and Sam joined in too.I hugged them back.

"So,"Sam asked,"From the look on your face earlier,I can tell that you know where we are."

"Yeah," I replied,"We're in Shingeki no kyogin."."Shinge what?" was Hales intelligent reply.

I looked around again. Eren and Mikasa were no where in sight,and if this really did follow the story of the first episode,then we should run to the boats right now.

I still couldn't believe the fact that me and my two best friends in the whole wide world have been transported to a world where we are very likely to die in a few hours.

I took a long,deep breath._Calm down,your the only person here who knows about this place and if you lose your cool,your friends will die._

_So hurry up and get your butt moving!_

I stood up."I'll tell you both about this place,but we've got to start up.!"

I ordered,pulling the two of them up and then running off in the direction of the noise.

"Okay," I said,once we were out of the field,"Shingeki no kyogin is an anime that I watch.

In this world,one hundred years ago,Humanity was attacked by giant monsters called titans.

To protect itself,it built walls and lived inside are three walls,Sina,Rose and Maria.

They nodded,listening intently.

We are in the outermost wall,Wall Maria.

To distract titans so that they wouldn't attack on piece of the wall,we built satellites around the walls.

We are in a satellite district,Shingashina.

"Listen Alexis," Sam said,"that's interesting and all,but how exactly can you tell we're in this Shunge whatever world?"

I realized we were in the market place now.I turned to face them

Lowering my voice, I said,"In the first episode,the main character in the anime,Eren Jaeger,wakes up in the same field we were in.

Before you two idiots woke up,I saw him and his sister Mikasa in the field."I then pointed towards the wall.

"And we are currently surrounded by huge walls,which proves Wall Maria."

"Now," I said," There are three branches of military in this Garrison,the military police and the Survey Corps.

The Garrison,the largest branch, are basically wall menders,they fix any damage done to the walls and keep order in Maria and ,there isn't much need for crime in this world.

The military police,keep order in Sina and protect the King.

The Survey Corps,also known as the Recon Corps and the South Regiment,are the smallest military branch.

They go outside the walls in an effort to find out more about the titans and how to defeat them."

"But how do they fight these monsters?" asked Haley.

"Titans vary in sizes,the smallest are three meter and the largest are fifteen meters.

The survey corps use the 3d maneuver gear,a device that allows them to swing to some tall object and attack the titans,

who can only be killed if we cut the nape of their necks.

The same device is used by the garrison to mend the walls."

Suddenly, a large bell started first,I didn't understand,but then I realized...

"The South Regiment!" I shouted and ran towards the gate.

"Hey Alexis! Wait up!" cried Sam as the two hurried to catch up with me.

_I have to see them!Maybe I can convince them to stay a little while when the Collosal Titan comes,they can save more people!I have to hurry!_

"Alexis!Where are we going?" asked Haley.I realized I hadn't told them yet.

"The South Regiment is coming from an expedition today.I have to ask them for help!"

"Help for what!?" cried Sam."Alexis,you haven't told us anything yet!"

We finally made it to the gate,just in time as the gate got pulled up and they entered.

Like I had expected,injured soldiers,sad faces,tired men.I finally spotted Erwin.

I waited as Moses's mother came and asked about him,and then the leader had a break was a very sad thing to watch.

Just as they were about to go,I broke from the crowd

and stood in the middle of the road.

All eyes turned on me.

Suddenly,I realized that I had no idea what to say.I couldn't exactly tell them that the Collosal Titan would appear in an hour or so.

"Y-you guys look have to stay in Wall Maria for a few hours more,get s-some rest or something."

The people looked at me in disbelief,the commander spoke up,"Get out of the way kid."

"Listen!" I said."You guys have to stay here!Please! you just have to!"

Many of the South Regiment looked annoyed.I knew that I was only making myself look stupid.

They passed me.I had to do something!These guys could help me!

"Erwin!" I turned,surprised I knew him.

"You guys have got to stay here!" I pleaded,looking at him straight in the eye.

"Please!You just have to!"

He stared at me for a long looked down and said,"I'm sorry." he rode away.

I stared at his back in shock and disbelief.I was so sure he would help me.

Every one was looking at me,even Eren and Mikasa.I stared at the two of them for a few seconds,then ran.

"Hey Alexis!" Haley cried, but I continued Survey Corps were my last hope,now many people will die.

_Including you and your friends._

I collapsed,burying my face in my hands,crying.I didn't know what to do now.

Then I felt an arm around me.I looked up.

"Hey there," said Haley softly,"What's wrong?"

I couldn't speak._How can I tell them?How can I keep them safe?_

"It's alright, you can tell us." said Sam."Come on."

I took a deep breath and said,"After a few hours,a huge sixty meter titan will appear and breach the wall,then another will come and breach Wall Maria."

They stared at me in shock,taking in the Sam said,

"Well,Eren obviously has to survive since he's the main did he escape?"

_The boats!_

I got up and grabbed their hands,"He escaped by the on!"

The boats were on the other side of town and we got lost multiple times,

But we finally made it.

"Eren used the boats to escape along with Armin and Mikasa."

"That's a relief!" sighed Sam,"When's the titan going to appear?"

I counted the time, since it took us about two hours to reach here it meant...

_It should have arrived by now!Isn't it going to come today?_

I spoke too soon.

I heard a loud scream and looked at the wall.

There was a giant hand on it,and from below it,emerged a giant red head.

_The Collosal Titan._


	3. Chapter 3

_So this is chapter three!_

_ Sorry for the last chapter._

_It sucked._

_Anyways,sorry for the spelling errors._

_Other than that,Enjoy!_

* * *

A hand emerged on the wall.

And from behind it,a huge red hand.

_The Colossal Titan._

No one moved a one they did was stare.

Stare at the Colossal Titan.

Then someone,a women, started screaming.

There was a sickening thousands of pounds of rock falling on top of one another, an earthquake.

_The Colossal Titan!He breached the wall!_

I heard distant screams at first,the people who saw the titans first.

Then most of the people around me went into hysterics.I grabbed Sam and Haley's hand.

"Listen Guys," I said,"We have to get into the boats right now!Come on!".They both nodded,scared.

We hurried to the boats.

Most of the Garrison had realized the situation by now,and were leading people to the boats.

The first boat had already gone by the time we reached there.A soldier shouted at us to get into the boat.

We were about to get on when I froze. _Eren!Mikasa!Armin! Are they alright?I have to check on Eren's mom!Maybe I could save her too!_

I ran but Sam the grabbed my shoulder,"Hey Alexis!Are you trying to get yourself killed!?Where do you think your going?"

"I have to check on some one!I'll be right back." I said,pulling away."You'll get yourself killed!" Haley were tears in here eyes.

"Listen Alexis!Do you have any idea what would happen to us if you died?" Sam shouted.

I thought on was right,I was the only one who knew about this were they going to do if I left them?But I had to help Eren's mom.

_Well,if I am so intent on getting myself killed,I should at least tell them what to do without me._

"Listen guys,"I said quickly,"I am going no matter what,and there is a large chance that I'll die.

Did you two see the boy and girl standing on some crates watching the South Regiment?"

They nodded.

"Their Eren and Mikasa.I want you too to stick with them."

I then noticed Armin,he was telling Hannes about them.I pointed at him.

"See that boy there,he's Armin,their best friend.

If I don't make it before they do,say you have amnesia or something.

Be with them always."

I had to hurry now."Wish me luck!" I shouted and ran."Wait!" they cried, but I kept on running.

I was surprised by how fast my legs carried me,I didn't even feel tired.

I tried blocking the screams of people around me,but it was very hard.

I turned a corner and met my first titan.

It was probably a ten meter,but I didn't give a damn.

It was looking and coming straight at me,blood dripping down it's lips.

I ran back from where I had come from,then took a right,then a left.

I realized I was completely and utterly lost.I stopped near a house,trying to gather my thoughts.

Bad move.

There was a loud crash,and the whole house exploded.

Rubble was sent everywhere,including in my direction.

A huge rock hit my head and I fell,buried in rubble,with my head bleeding.

The reason it had exploded was because an abberant,a crawler,had crashed into it.

It looked at me, then picking me up,squeezed.I cried out in pain,tears streaming down my face.I gritted my teeth,I wasn't going to cry,I wasn't going to shout and scream pathetically.

It squeezed tighter.I couldn't help it.I screamed my lungs out.

_ So this is how I die?Right now?When I can't fight?I'm sorry guys._

_Remember what I told you,survive till the end,and then go home._

_I'm sorry._

The titan brought me close to it's mouth.I closed my eyes,waiting for it to close it's mouth.

It never did.

I felt myself falling.

Luckily,someone caught me just in time.

They set me down.I opened my eyes and quickly standing up.

"Hey,be careful," he said soothingly.I winced.

He was a boy,about a couple of years older than me.

He wasn't wearing a Garrison uniform,but he had the 3d maeuver gear.

_Some one not on duty perhaps,but he looks too young to be a soldier._

I looked at the titan.I kept on staring at it.

It wasn't just cut at the nape of the neck,it was totally cut in half.

Suddenly another boy too was dressed in regular clothes,along with the gear.

"Are you alright?" he asked,worried.

But I wasn't paying any attention to him.I touched my hurt a lot but I hadn't broken any bones.

My head was bleeding though,and I had many cuts on my face.

But I didn't care.I had to get to Eren and Mikasa.

I started to run away but the one who had saved me grabbed my shoulder."Where do you think your going?" he asked,"Your hurt!Come on we'll take you to a boat."

I tried to pull away,but he had an iron grip."I have to check on someone!Let me go!"

"But your-"

"Please!I have to check on Eren and Mikasa!"

I guess he must've known them,because he suddenly released me with a surprised look in his face.

I took of quickly."Hey!" replied the other one but I turned to a corner and disappeared.

I walked up a staircase where I could hear some voices.

Eren was shouting at Mikasa to remove the log while their mother was pleading with them to run away.

I ran up to them, grabbed the log and started pulling.

The two stared at me in shock."This log isn't going to move itself!Come on idiots!"

That snapped the two of them into their senses.

Together,the three of us heaved and pulled while Karula tried to stop us.

It didn't really help.

My chest was killing me and I still had tears running down my face.I basically had to close my eyes and mouth to stop the blood coming in my eyes and mouth.

Suddenly,it appeared.

_The Smiling Titan._

It was hideous,to say the least.

It's horrible smile stretched over its took low,bored steps towards us.

Suddenly Hannes appeared. Karula pleaded with him to take the three of us.

He picked up Eren and Mikasa then looked at me.

I looked at him straight in the eye then said,"Go!You have to save them!"

He nodded intently,then took of running.

The Smiling Titan had reached us by now.I took several steps back.

It decided to go towards the weaker target. Karula screamed as it picked her up.I grabbed her hand,determined not to let go.

It decided to go for me too.

Its other hand started to reach for me.

_SLASH!its_ hand got totally cut off.I looked up.

It was the same boy and his glanced at Karula.

Then,grabbing my hands,threw me on his back and started running while the other one used his gear to swing from houses and buildings.

"Let me go!" I shouted,but he wasn't listening.

My head hurt,I fell dizzy and it was getting hard to keep my eyes open.

Then, I saw a muscular fifteen meter started running towards the wall.

_The Armored Titan._

Crash!Wall Maria had been breached.

The two boys kept on running,like they weren't surprised at all.

We finally made it to the boats.

And we reached just behind the trio.

I saw Sam and of them were crying.

Finally they saw me.

The soldier set me down,but before I could say anything,him and his friend were gone.

Sam and Haley wrapped me in a bone crushing hug,which was really unpleasant since I was already hurt.

We got on the boat with the other three.

I rested my head on a wall of the cabin.

"What happened?" Sam demanded.

I told I finished,Haley hugged me.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

No,I wasn't alright.I had seen so many deaths,been almost killed myself,been transported to a world where you can die in three seconds,along with my two best friends,who had no idea about this place,and I had to protect them too.

No I was not alright.

I silently shook my head.

"So what now?" asked Sam.

I looked down at my hands.

They were covered in blood.

So were my clothes,my hair and my face.

"We'll arrive in Rose." I said quietly,"We will be given food,water and shelter.A year later,Eren and his friends will join the military.

So will we."

The two ,Eren got up and started his speech about killing he titans.

_I want to throw this idiotic bastard off this boat._

Haley sat next to me and put her head on my a while,Sam did the same.

I spotted Armin in the was staring directly at me.

I glared at him,he turned away.

He didn't look scared,only curious.

I stared off in the distance.

"Alexis?"asked Haley softly,

"Yeah?"

"Are we going to be alright?"

"I don't know."

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_Hope you liked it._

_Please review!_


	4. Chapter 4

_So this is Chapter four._

_I noticed that I didn't clearly describe Sam's hair before,_

_her hair reach her shoulders._

_Anyways,Enjoy._

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_"Someone who can't sacrifice anything, Can't never change anything._

_That to defeat a monster, you have to be willing to throw aside your humanity."_

_"If you win, you live. If you lose, you die. If you don't fight, you can't win!"_

_"Once I'm dead, I won't even be able to remember you. So I'll win, no matter what. I'll live, no matter what!"_

_"Only the victors are allowed to live. This world is merciless like that."_

_"I want to see and understand the world outside. I don't want to die inside these walls without knowing what's out there!"_

_"We're going to explore the outside world someday, right? Far beyond these walls, there's flaming water, land made of ice, and fields of sand spread wide. It's the world my parents wanted to go to."_

_ "I just want the weak who do get swept along with the flow, be considered human.. too."_

_"That day, humanity remembered... the terror being ruled by them._

_The Humiliation of being kept in a CAGE."_

_"This is just my opinion, but when it comes to teaching somebody discipline I believe pain is the most effective way."_

_"I've never known myself,all I can do is make sure I won't regret the choice I made."_

_"This world is merciless, and it's also very beautiful."_

_Sacrifice..._

_Monster..._

_Fight..._

_Merciless..._

_Die..._

_Explore..._

_Human..._

_Terror..._

_CAGE..._

_Pain..._

_Regret..._

_Beautiful..._

My eyes flew open.

I looked had finally arrived in Wall rose.

The gates of Trost were opening.I looked around.

Sam and Haley were still sleeping at my of the other people were asleep too but they were starting to wake up.

It was early in the morning.I had taken us two days to get here.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes.

_What the hell was I dreaming about?There were so many voices,and faces,but I couldn't make it all ...Monster...CAGE... what the hell was that all about?_

We entered Trost. People gathered around the river.

News about Wall Maria must've reached them by now,because they were staring at us like I had expected them to.

Staring at _us,_the people who had seen the titans,who had seen the horrors,who had seen and lost so,so much.

I wanted to spit on their faces.

"Hey guys," I muttered softly,shaking them,"We're stopping,wake up."

The two groggily woke around,confused,they turned their eyes on me and remembered what happened.

"No,it wasn't a dream."I said calmly,emotionless.

The boats of the Garrison led us of the boat to stand in front of a platform where an obese man in noble clothes was standing,smiling.

"Welcome,"He said,spreading his arms widely,"My name is Lord Balto. I am the land lord of Trost,your new home,I see that most of you are from Shingashina,the place where that huge,bad titan hit,and for that you have my deepest condolences..."

Most of the people were looking at that horrid bastard the way I was looking at him.

_I hope you get eaten before Trost is regained._

"But," he continued,"Not to worry,because this is your new home lets forget about the sinister events that took place a few days ago and start our lives anew."

With that,he left the platform and a soldier took his place.

"Please follow the soldiers of the will lead you to stalls where you will be given food and water,and then to cabins where you will sleep.

In front of each stall,you will be asked your name by a soldier to write down in our truthfully."

We lined up in front of the stalls."We can't use our real names."I said.

"What,why?" asked Sam."Because their too modern."

To tell the truth,I had absolutely no idea why.I guess they just reminded me of my past life.

_Past life..._

Was that my past life,or my real life.

And if that was my real life,then what the hell is this life?

"Ok," said Haley,"then what will our names be?"

I thought about it,"You can be Alicia...Bennet,"I said to Haley,"Fine with it?"

"Sure," she replied unsurely,"Nice name..."

"And you,"I turned to Sam,"you'll be Frey Coswell."

"Cool name." she replied,"What about you?"

"Sophielle Stark," I said,

"Sophielle?"Asked Sam,"What does that even mean?"

"It's nothing,"I replied."So we have our names.

Now remember,if they ask for any family history,we are cousins and our parents were stall owners."

It was my turn now.

A man handed me some bread and water then a soldier asked me my name and age.

"Sophielle : fourteen."

He wrote it down,looking at me,his eyes showing signs of pity."And..." he asked,"Relatives?"

"Dead," I said, and walked away,biting on my bread.

It wasn't fresh,that much was and Alicia joined me.

"What did you tell them?" I asked,taking a large gulp of water.

"Alicia Bennet,ten."

"Frey Coswell,ten."

"Good," I said.

A few soldiers started leading all the ladies to their bunks.

"Should we follow them?" asked Frey."Not right now,I want to enjoy this scene first."

I nodded towards the trio. Eren was fighting with two soldiers who didn't seem to care and walked away.

After he calmed down,his eyes caught mine and he continued to stare."Time to go." I said.

We didn't follow the soldiers,I just continued twisting my way through thin,tiny came to up to an empty courtyard.

I sat,cross legged,with my head resting on a wall.

Frey and Alicia sat besides me.

I looked at my hands.

For some reason they were shaking.

"What's wrong?" Alicia asked.

"My wounds," I replied,still shaking,"They healed."

It was true.I touched my face.

It was like I never got attacked by a titan.

My chest didn't hurt either.

"Oh that's a relief," they both sighed.

But I still felt uneasy.

_Maybe they weren't as deep as I thought them to be._

I heard some voices.

Getting up,I turned a corner and stopped.

It was the trio.

They were sitting on some staircases.

They were discussing about how they would join the military next year.

I hid behind the wall with Frey and Alicia ,listening to their conversation.

They continued discussing about it for ten minutes,then left.

I got up from my hiding spot and walked towards the stairs.

"I'm guessing we're joining the military next year?" said Frey.

"Your right." I replied,leaning on a wall.

We stood like that for a few seconds,then Frey asked,

"What _happened_ to you, Alexis?"

I looked at her "Nothing."

"Don't lie,alright."

"What do you mean?"

Frey looked at me,like she wanted to say something bad in the nicest way possible.

"You've changed."

I looked at Alicia.I could tell that she agreed with Frey.

_Of course I've fucking changed._

_It's hard not to after seeing so many innocent people die._

I glared at Frey,who glared back.

Alicia,sensing the tension between the two of us,quickly stepped in,

"What she means is,you haven't smiled ever since you got here."

"None of us have."

"There," said Alicia,putting on a genuine did the same.

"Come on Alexis," said Frey.

"There's no point in smiling," I said,"And call me Sophielle."

* * *

_Now,chapter five will be updated after a little while ,_

_because it'll just contain several oneshots of the time period before they join the military._

_and please fav and follow._


	5. Chapter 5

_So this is chapter five,sorry it took so long to update..._

_I also realized something,in 845,the Trio is ten,and when we join the military,we're twelve,sorry..._

_Oh,and after you read this,_

_just don't hate me..._

* * *

"Our_ house...is no more..._

_I can never go home in the end,all we could have was one of those worthless disputes._

_Why!?_

_And now..Mom is no longer there!Completely gone.._

_How did we end up like this...because we humans are weak?_

_So a weakling's only option is to weep and fail!?_

_I will wipe them out!_

_I'll erase them from this world..._

_Until..._

_Not a single one remains!_

I opened my eyes.

Slowly,calmly,since there was no point in panicking or crying out loud.

I looked around,I was in a cabin.

Frey and Alicia were sleeping in their own beds near me.

Four or five girls were also sleeping soundly.I hadn't really bothered to learn their names since I hardly cared.I sat straight on my bed,rubbing my eyes.

I looked outside my was probably dawn.

I got up and went to my chest where I kept all my belongings.

They weren't much.A book and a few clothes and a purple scarf.

It looked cold outside.I put on a thin black sweater over my white dress and also my scarf.

I silently walked out of the large room,passing the hallway,kitchen,bathrooms,till at last I was outside.

The air was cool and fresh.I silently walked the empty streets.

Most of the shops wouldn't open for an hour or so.

I walked silently reflecting on my current life.

It was Thursday,12 845, a week after the fall of wall Maria.

The refugees were given food,shelter and had three poor meals a sleeped in hostels,and were given three suits of clothings.

Three days later,the soldiers had announced that all the refugees would start working in the fields in an attempt to reduce the famine.

We had to start today.I looked up at the sky.

It was black,with clouds gathering and the temperature getting lower.

I knew it wasn't from rain.

I hugged myself,and rubbed my cheek against my scarf.

It was mine,but I had gotten it as a gift.

Well,not exactly a gift.

_Three days ago..._

_It was midnight._

_I was sitting on top of a crate,with my head in my arms and my knees close to my chest,shivering._

_I had been warned that I wouldn't be allowed to sleep in the hostel if I didn't come back at ten._

_But I didn't listen,I never listened._

_Now the doors were closed,and there was no way in hell that I was going to apologize to the warden._

_"You look cold."_

_The person's voice was male,and a bit familiar too,but I didn't care._

_Who ever he was,he sat down on the crate next to me.I didn't bother looking up,he would probably go away after a while._

_"What's your name?"_

_I didn't reply._

_"What are you doing here?"_

_I didn't reply._

_"Are you cold?"_

_I didn't reply._

_He sighed .After a while,he said_

_"Oh look at the stars today,I never realized that there were so many...you should see them too."_

_I didn't,I ignored him,_

_"I brought a book about constellations,trying to figure out which ones will be visible today,I didn't think I could find any though,_

_in the books,there are always lines drawn to connect the stars,but there are no stars in the sky...but I've found a few,Aries...Piscis..Cetus..."_

_I listened to him now,but still didn't bother looking at him._

_"You should try this too,if you use your imagination,you can make even better figures than the one in the books.._

_I love stars,they show that beauty and hope remain even in this world._

_I look at them and then completely forget about my problems,it makes me happy."_

_I kept on listening_

_"I still remember you."_

_And I remembered him too,he was the person who had saved me in Shinganshina,twice_

_He stood up,I shivered ._

_Then I felt something gently press on my neck and hair,something warm._

_He started walking away but stopped,_

_"A very special person gave this to me,she was a kind stranger._

_Believe me,nothing beats a stranger's kindness,so you take care of it,and the book as well._

_Check page 53"_

_I listened to his fading footsteps._

_Then I finally looked up,feeling the thing on my neck._

_It was a purple scarf,purple was my favourite colour._

_I looked at it,then put it around my neck,it was so warm._

_I looked at the place where the boy had been sitting,on top of the crate,was a book._

**_Stars and Constellations._**

_I turned straight to page 53,it was about the constellations that were visible this month._

_The moon was the only thing that was giving me light to read,but I read anyway._

_I looked up at the sky._

_He was right._

_It was beautiful,with so many stars..._

_I looked for Aries,and found it._

_Lines didn't join the stars,but somehow they stood out among the other stars._

_I smiled,happily,the first time I had since coming into this world._

_Stars really made me happy..._

I didn't remember his face from Shinganshina,but I did remember his voice from our one sided conversation three days ago.

I remembered everything he had talked about,memorized it.

The book was in my chest,I now took it with me every night,wondering which stars would appear tonight.

I looked at my scarf,it hung loosely around my neck,it had practically saved me from dying of cold that day.

I realized this was how Mikasa felt,when Eren gave her the scarf.

She had no home,her whole family was dead,she was alone,and she was cold.

I could relate to that.

That's why the scarf had become special to me.I wore it every day.

Besides,I was going to need it.

Something wet touched my head.

I looked up.

Snowflakes drifted slowly in the sky,pretty soon the whole ground would be covered in snow.

I stared at the sky.I'd never really seen snow.

_It's beautiful._

_"_Hey Sophielle!"I turned.

Frey and Alicia were running towards me.

"Stop shouting,"I said,"Other people are sleeping.

"Not anymore," replied Frey.

"Alicia shivered,"God it's cold."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Their waking us up,the soldiers,

they said that we're gonna start working early since it's starting to snow."

"It won't make a difference," I said,looking up again,"the ground will be frozen solid by the time we reach there."

"Yeah well they're waiting for us," said Alicia rubbing her arms,"Come on,their giving out coats.

We won't survive with these thin sweaters."

"I'm coming."

* * *

_ 19 December 845. Saturday_

I was right,we weren't able to make a dent on the floor.

Currently,we were in lines,with pick axes in our hands,trying to crack the ice.

Alicia and Frey were to my left and Armin,Eren and Mikasa were to my right.

I realized that Mikasa and I were the only ones who had even made cracks in the ice.

Ever since I had come into this world,I had grown a whole lot stronger.

I could easily lift heavy sacks,taking four at a time.I could easily do a hundred push ups and sit ups without getting tired.

I realized that I was becoming like Mikasa.

Our strength,the scarf,the emotionless face.

The thought didn't exactly make me happy.

_She had lost her whole family,she'd seen grown men be killed by a boy,who saved her and gave her a home and a gift.A gift that,to her,was the most precious thing in the world._

_Whereas I,as soon as I stepped into this world,had no home.I'd arrive just in time to be disappointed in the most bravest i men the whole world,_

_seen hundreds of people die,been crushed by a titan,and be saved by a stranger._

_A stranger who,had saved me three times,and had also given me two precious gifts,and made me smile for the first time in this cruel life._

_But he had given me something else,a will,a will to survive,to protect my friends,my new family.A stranger,whose face I don't remember,had given me so,so much._

I continued cracking the ice.I wasn't tired,unlike my friends.

_He had told me to survive_

Crack.

_He had told me to protect._

Crack.

_He had told me to live._

_Crack._

_Thank you._

Crack.I had made a hole in the ice.I looked at it for a while then said,"Frey!Alicia!"

The turned towards me,surprised.

"Come on,start breaking the ice off."

* * *

_12 March 846 Monday_

It didn't work.

Despite our best efforts,we couldn't grow any crops in the winter.

And so,the King ordered that all the refugees fit to join the military will participate in the attempt to retake Wall Maria.

Which was basically a more formal way to say that we were going to let people die to reduce the famine.

I'd seen Armin crying after the expedition,clutching his father's hat as he sunk against the wall.

I hadn't approached him,just seen him from a distance.

Now that the snow had melted,we started growing crops.

We were also payed for our work.

It all depended on the amount of work we did.

How much acres of the field we had ploughed,how many potatoes we had harvested,how many sacks of corn we had carried.

Every other day,I'd work till morning to evening.

Sometimes Mikasa worked that long too.

We were still given food,and by now half of the refugees had started settling in their new lives.

The adults who were doctors or blacksmiths in Wall Maria easily got jobs to support their families.

Most of the people who worked in the fields were usually orphans.

We still got food from the stalls.

The only thing I used my money on were books.

Books were relatively cheap in Trost,and my chest was full of them.

But today,I was alone in the marketplace,and I wasn't here to buy books.

I entered the the shop.

Behind the counter was an obese,dark man smoking.

I walked up to him,my face calm and emotionless.

I stood in front of the counter,then scanned the shop.

Daggers,swords,bows,guns,this was a weapons shop.

The shopkeeper narrowed his eyes at me.I turned to face him and said:

"I need to see your dagger selection."

The shopkeeper stared at me for a while,then threw his head back and laughed.

"You?" he said,"your just a kid!Go run home to your mommy kid."

"I'm serious."

"Yeah well I'm serious too, else I'm going to get your parents."

I had enough,I took hold of his collar and brought his face close to mine.

"I have no parents.I'm also much mature than you think.

So I suggest that you show me your daggers before I make _you _run home to your mommy."

I realized I was suffocating him.I let go of his fell on the counter,coughing.

As he slowly got up,I could see the fear in his was good.

After he calmed down,he cleared his throat officially and said:

"T-there are many types of daggers.

Would you like one for cutting,self-protection,offense?..."

"I'd like one that can easily be in my dress or in my sleeves."

"Well," the shopkeeper said as he struggled to pick up a case,"there are many daggers you can choose from then."

He set the case on the counter and opened were several daggers in were of different lengths,and each had a beautiful unique design in it's handle and sheath.

I took a dark blue dagger and unsheathed it.

I brought it close to my arm.

"Hey!Are you out of your mind?" The man asked grabbing my arm.

"What's wrong?"I asked,"I'm just checking it's sharpness."

"Yeah well check somewhere else.I don't want your suicide to be pinned on me."

"I want a dagger,"I said,"that's strong enough to cut titan flesh."

"We don't have them anywhere." He replied,"their illegal."

"But you have at least one." I said,"I saw the way you hesitated.I need one."

He stared at me,then sighed.

"Just don't tell anyone,kid."

"I won't"

He bent down and produced two purple sheaths.

They had an elegant,cloudy design.

I unsheathed them.

They were shiny,smooth and deadly.

I examined them in my hands for a while,then asked,"How much?"

"Fifty coppers each."

"I don't have that much."

He stared at me,then said,"You can have both of them,kid."

I looked at him,then gave him fifty coppers,"I'm going to give you the money back."

He nodded.

"I'll be back." I said and walked out of the shop.

I walked silently in the alleyways till I came up to an empty courtyard.

It was where that boy had given me the scarf and the book.

I sat on top of the crate and examined the daggers.

They could be strapped to my arms and thighs,so they could easily be hidden.

I took a dagger and brought it close to my hand.I really wasn't going to commit suicide,I was just checking it's sharpness.

I made a cut at the back of my right hand,below my cut easier than butter.

Blood poured the hand away from my dress,I looked at a pillar in front of me.

I walked towards the stone pillar and,taking some blood in my left hand,painted a bull's eye on it.

I sat back on the crate,looking at the bull's eye.

I then took a dagger,and threw it at the pillar.

I guess I must've been angry about my hand,because I used so much force that the dagger cut through the pillar and stuck in the wall behind it.

I walked towards the wall and pulled the dagger out.

It wasn't bent or dull.

_Good._

I walked back to the hostels.

* * *

_12 May 846 Friday_

"Here you go,dear." the woman said,as she handed me the cheese.

I nodded and placed two coppers on the stall.

I walked in the marketplace with the cheese in my hands.

I'd gotten extra money because of the sacks I'd carried to the town so I had some money to by a small treat for Frey and Alicia.

"I've had enough of this blasphemy! You vile insect! Wall Rose was granted to us, by the Lord, and it is not in human rights to maim it!"

I looked was a man arguing with a merchant

From his clothes,I could tell that he was a member of the Wall Cult.

He walked away from the merchant.I walked up to him and tapped his arm.

He turned around angrily,but his expression softened when he looked at me.

"What were you and the man arguing about?"

He hesitated,then said,

"It was nothing ,child."

"It's okay,you can tell me."

He stared at me, said,

"That man was _complimenting_ the Garrison's work of repairing the walls."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Those buffoons don't repair the walls!They maim them!Mending them!Placing cannons on them!They have no respect of the goddess Rose!"

"The goddess Rose?"

"Yes!Maria!Rose!Sina!They are goddesses!Something most people don't understand!And they've been angry!That's why Wall Maria was breached!

Maria was angry with us,and if we keep on practicing these ways,Rose will be angry with us too!"

He looked at me,realizing what he was cleared his throat,

"Anyways,child,this is an adult matter.

Children like you should just listen to their parents and-"

"I don't have any parents."

He was taken aback."Well,how about any-"

"No siblings either.I just have two friends who are my everything now."

He stared at me,eyes full of pity,

then he reached for his Cult necklace and pulled it off.

He put it around my neck."I don't worship the walls."I said.

"I can tell that," he replied,"But you should keep it.I hope it brings you good luck,child."

He straightened and said,"My name is Pastor Nick."

"...Sophielle Stark."

He smiled at me,then walked away.

I unclasped the necklace and looked at it.

I held it in my hands as I watched his back.

* * *

_17 June 846 Wednesday_

_Wall Sina is the innermost wall protecting the kingdom where the king and other civilians reside. It is 250 km in radius. The distance between Wall Sina and Wall Rose is around 130 km. The city inside Wall Sina is protected by the Military Police serving under the king..._

The marketplace was quite busy wasn't much to do in the fields so I was sitting crosslegged on top of a crate next to a chicken stall.

The smells coming from the stalls were amazing,but I had given my spare money to Alicia to buy a dress for herself.

I felt that Frey and Alicia were my responsibility now,so I had to take care of them.

The marketplace was filled with merchants,kids,civilians and also a few soldiers.

I looked at the stall. Armin was standing near to me,staring at me.I went back to reading my book about Sina,ignoring him.

"What are you reading?" he asked,interested.I ignored din't seem fazed by my lack of anything,he seemed more interested.

"I've seen you in the marketplace the fields too."

I turned a page.

"You always had a book with you."

_Instead of the Garrison,the Military Police maintains the order in Sina..._

"I love books too."He continued,"I even had a book about the outside world,but I don't have it now."

_Only the most elite class citizens can afford to live in Sina..._

"I love the outside world. I've always wanted to go there.I've heard that there are incredible things out there,such as flaming water,lands of ice and lands of sand."

I turned another page.

"Did you know,that all the rivers in these walls end up in a place called the in the ocean,the water turns salty..."

"Guards!" I called at two soldiers,"Can I ask a question?"

They turned towards me,surprised,"What is it,kid?"

"Are books from the outside world banned?"I asked.

"And even talking about it is illegal,right?"I asked.

"Well,yeah." One of them replied.

"That's all."I said and went back to my book.

I could feel Armin's eyes on somehow,I felt that he wasn't glaring at me.

"It was nice meeting you," he said after a while,"Goodbye."

* * *

_21 July 846 Sunday_

It was raining.

I loved rain.I loved it when the cold drops tickled my skin.

I was currently sitting on top of my favorite crate in my favorite empty courtyard.

I knew I was going to catch a cold,but I didn't care.

"Hey."I looked up.

It was Frey and Alicia.

Both of them were wearing cloaks and Alicia had a big shawl wrapped around her.

"You both are gonna get a inside."I said.

"Look who's talking." replied Frey as they sat next to me.

"Why the hell is there blood on this crate?" asked Alicia.

"Someone probably beheaded a goat here." I replied,watching her shiver.

"You okay?" asked Alicia,worried.

"What do you mean?"I asked,staring at my bull's eye.

Alicia didn't reply,but I caught her exchanging glances with Frey.

"What is it?" I asked,staring at her.

Alicia stared at me too."You've changed,Sophielle." said Frey.

"You guys have told me that before."I replied.

"No,it's not like that!" said Frey,"Your not who you were!Two years ago,if someone would ask me to describe you,I'd say that your a kind,nice,funny person!"

I looked at her,unfazed."A lot's changed between these two years."

"Like hell they have!" she shouted,standing up,"Now you never smile,you hardly talk,and you do your best to stay away from the two of us!"

I stood up too,"I don't ignore-"

"Oh shut up,will you!" she shouted,"And nowdays,your always so secretive!You haven't told us anything about that stupid anime!What the hell are you hiding?!"

"Shut up!"

Both of us turned.

It was had her ears covered with her eyes and she was crying.

"Be quiet!both of you!"she cried,"What happened to both of you!?You were supposed to be best friends!Now your arguing like enemies!Just stop it,will you!?"

"Hales..." said Frey.

She sat next to her and hugged her.

Then she looked at me.

I nodded and sat next to sat like this for a while.

Then I stood up.I was happy that it was raining,now they couldn't see my tears.

But when I spoke,my voice was still emotionless,

"I'm sorry.I didn't realize that you guys felt that believe me,"

I looked up,allowing them to see my tears,

"All I've wanted was to keep you safe.

You two are the only people in this world who I care about.I always felt like I was protecting you.I'm sorry."

I looked down again,letting the tears fall freely.

Then I felt someone hug me.

I looked was Frey.

"I'm sorry too," she said.

"Come on,you look cold." said Alicia,holding up her shawl.

I sat next to her while Frey sat next to me.

"Come on,let's enjoy the rain for a while." I said.

* * *

_9 August Tuesday_ _846_

"Here you go!" said Alicia,as she handed me a sweet roll.

"What's this for?" asked Frey,as she accepted one too.

"I was saving some money for your present." she said to Frey.

"What?" was her reply.

"It's your birthday, idiot." I said and handed her my sweet roll.

"Oh yeah!" She replied,"Thanks,guys."

"Come on," I said as I pulled the two of them along.

We walked silently in the alleyways,Alicia to my right and Frey to my left.

"What is your obsession with these alleyways anyway?" asked Frey.

"There usually quite,"I replied,"I like the silence."

"Creepy idiot..." was her reply.

We talked about the alleyways a little while longer until some one past us.

We walked a few more paces until I stopped and looked back.

The person had also turned towards me and stared into my eyes.

Blue eyes,blonde hair,sullen face,

_Annie Leonhart._

Our staring competition went on.I kept perfectly still,my gray eyes staring directly into hers.

Then,silently,she turned and kept on walking.

I did the same.

"Who was she?" whispered Alicia.

"A person." I replied.

* * *

_8 December 846 Thursday_

I walked quietly in the marketplace.

I had to meet up with Frey and Alicia.

I turned a corner to see two soldiers.

They weren't of the Garrison,they were of the Military Police.

They were drunk, I could tell that much.

I walked silently,hoping to avoid them,when one of them blocked my path.

"Well,what's a pretty thing like you doing here?" he asked.

"None of your business." I said quietly.

"Hey,August,leave the girl alone." the other guy said,then he looked at me.

"Wait a minute,your an Australian,aren't you?" he asked,coming towards me.

I didn't reply,I turned around and walked away.

"Hey,kid," the first one called,"He's talking to you!"

He grabbed my shoulder.

_Your gonna regret that,bastard_.

Without looking back,I grabbed his arm and flipped him over to the ground.

"Hey!" the second one growled as he came towards me.

I ran to him,grabbed his mouth in one hand,and punched his chest with the other.

I heard a satisfying crunch as I let him fall on the ground.

He grabbed his chest and then looked at me,

"Your pretty Australian face is going to regret that,girly." he growled.

"I doubt that." I replied and walked away.

I felt calmer as I joined the crowd,but still,what the man said had bothered me.

_Your pretty Australian face is going to regret that,girly_

I walked towards the window of a shop and looked at myself in the mirror.

I'd changed only a little in the last two years.

My skin was ghostly pale,my hair were straight and reached till my waist,

but most some always came on my face.I made a braid on top of my head so that the longer one's wouldn't bother me since I left them open.

My hair were dark brown,with streaks of raven in were silky and soft.

I didn't bother pinning up my shorter hair,which reached till my shoulders.

My eyes were gray,dark gray,with patches of light gray.

Like a cloudy day.

I touched my face,I was beautiful,but how could the guy know my heritage?

It was true,I was an Australian,but it turned out,I was also the _only_ Australian living in the walls.

I calmed myself down and flexed my left wrist.

A dagger fell out of my sleeve.

I looked at it.

_There's no need to be afraid,if some one tries to hurt me,I'll be more than ready._

* * *

_13 January 847 Tuesday _

"So,I heard that the Humanity's Strongest Soldier is a midget," said Frey as we walked together.

"Well,he looked pretty tall from his horse," replied Alicia,"and scary too."

"He's a midget," I said.

Earlier this day,the South Regiment had set out for another expedition.

We continued discussing Levi as we walked down the street,

the snow crunching underneath our boots.

It was the same street where I'd beaten up those two soldiers.

I hadn't told Frey and Alicia about what had happened,I didn't want them worrying about me more than usual.

I hated this street,no one lived here and it was nothing but a bunch of boarded up shops.

But today,the street wasn't empty.

There were five of them,rugged,scary looking men.

They were doing nothing in particular,one was flipping a coin,other an apple.

They were just leaning against walls,looking at us.

"I think we should go back," said Frey.

"Me too." Alicia agreed.

"No," I said,"They won't hurt us,

keep talking about Levi and ignore them."

"Alright," they said and Frey made another comment about Levi's height.

We past them,one by one,until one of them called out to us.

"Hey,girly!" I turned around.

"So your the Australian that guy was talking about?" he smiled menacingly.

"He's right,you are a pretty thing."

As quick as lightning,one of the men to my right grabbed Alicia,holding a knife to her throat.

"Now," said the man,"if you want your friends to live,come quietly with us.

We wouldn't want a rare thing like you getting hurt,now would we."

I stepped in front of Frey, and looked at the man who was holding Alicia.

"Let go of her." I said,calmly.

"I say you look at me,dearie,"said their leader,"because if you want her to live,your gonna have to come with us."

"I repeat,let go of her."

I started flexing my wrists.

"Oh,do you really think that-"

"I said," I turned towards the man holding Alicia,"LET GO OF HER!"

I pushed Frey to the ground and ran towards him

Before he could react,I was in front of him,dagger in my left hand.

In one swift move,I cut off the arm he was using to hold the dagger against Alicia's throat.

Pushing her to the ground,I stabbed him clean in the heart,then I felt someone grab my shoulder.

I twisted around,cutting of his hand and putting my right hand over his mouth.

I pushed him against a wall,then slit his throat.

Blood poured onto my hands and dress,but I didn't care.

I turned around,there was another one coming after me.

I ran up to him and stabbed his eye,blood sprouting all over my face and hair,and took his neck in my hand.

I squeezed,hearing a clean snap.

Blood dripped in the snow.

_Two left..._

I felt some one,running up to me.

I turned around just in time to have a dagger graze my shoulder.

The man,brought his dagger up in a wide arc.

I dogged,grabbing his hair and slitting his throat.

I turned around,narrowing my eyes at the one man left.

My dress,my hair,my face,all were dripping in blood.

I came towards him,slowly,calmly,taking out the other dagger as well.

He retreated a few steps back."Y-you, your a monster!"

He ran.I gave a loud scream,running to him,and using both daggers,stabbed him.

I stood up,panting.

I looked dripped from my legs and coat,forming a puddle in the snow.

Frey and Alicia were staring at me,eyes wide in shock and horror.

"Run." I said,"Run,run,run RUN!"

The three of us started running as fast as we could.

I had no idea where we were going,I just wanted to get away.

Get away from the blood,

From the dead bodies,

From every thing.

I made my way through the alleyways,having no idea where I was.

I kept on running,going as fast as my legs would carry me.

I didn't stop to catch my breath,I didn't care if the other two were behind me.

I kept on running,till I smashed into someone.

I literally smashed into the person,my left hand slapping into him.

I grabbed his shoulder before the two of us could fall down.

I steadied the two of us and looked into torquoise eyes,

Into the eyes I'd been trying to avoid ever since I'd come here,

I looked into the eyes of Eren Jeager.

My left hand was on his face and my right,on his shoulder.

He stared at my bloody face,shocked.

I removed my shaking hand from his face.

His cheek was smeared blood.

I couldn't tell if it was my own.

I heard footsteps,Frey and Alicia were coming.

I let go of his shoulder and continued running.

"Hey!" he called out and followed me.

I started running faster,careful not to slip on the snow.

He continued running after me,though he was quite a distance behind.

I turned a corner,then another,hiding behind a crate.

He ran past me.

I sat down on the floor,and looked at my hands.

They weren't shaking anymore.

I looked at the blood on them,on myself.

_This is going to take a lot of time to clean._

* * *

"Why were they after you?" the soldier asked.

"We don't know,officer,"pleaded Frey,"I swear,they tried to attack us first!"

I returned to Frey and Alicia,and after that,we called the soldiers.

They were shocked to say the least,I'm sure they wouldn't have believed me if blood wasn't covering every inch of my body.

"I believe you," he assured us,

"Do you at least know any of them?"

"They were human trafficers. They came after me only."I said quietly.

"And you," he asked hesitantly,"Your the one,who did this to them?"

"Yes."

Other soldiers were still clearing the scene in front of us.

"Well," he said,"this might become a Military Police matter,

you three better-"

"Can we go home now?" I asked

He looked at me,"Then said,

"Alright."

* * *

_30 April 847 Monday_

"Wake up." I told the other two.

Frey groggily rubbed her eyes,"What's wrong?"

"In case you forgot," I said while opening my chest,"Tomorrow's the first day of have to pack today."

"How much stuff are we allowed to bring?"asked Alicia,opening her own chest.

"Clothes,books,personal items,money," I said,"As much you can fit in your knapsack."

I started putting all my clothes in the sack,I was already wearing my scarf,despite the fact that it was boiling hot outside.

I put all my favorite books in it,plus all the new ones I'd bought yesterday.

I felt something at the bottom of the chest,I took it out.

It was Pastor Nick's necklace.

I'd never worn it once.

But it was a gift,just like my scarf.

_And maybe it will bring me good luck..._

I put it in my I thought about what I should do with my daggers.

I hadn't told the soldiers about them so I still had them with me,hidden in my sleeves.

I decided to take them with me.

Half an hour later,we were all packed.

"Come on," I said,walking outside,"We going inside the wall right now and we'll get our uniforms there."

They walked decided to take a carriage inside the wall.

We got on a carriage in noon.

"So," said Alicia,"We're finally joining the 104 trainees squad,we're joining the military."

"Let's hope we survive these three years." said Frey,

"Besides,after what you told us about our instructor,I have a feeling it's going to be hard."

"Your right," I replied.

"But now,we're old enough to make our own 's something to be happy about."

She nodded,then said,

"Promise me something,you two."

We looked at her,

"We're going to survive these three years of training,join the Legion,and die of old age."

"We will."

"Then," Alicia said,"This is a new begining in our lives,I guess."

"Then what are we waiting for?" I asked,"Let's go."

* * *

_Enjoy.._


	6. Chapter 6

_Hi!Now remember in the last chapter I told you guys not to hate me,_

_right?_

_So, the reason behind this is because of my similarities to Mikasa,which are pretty clear._

_I'm sorry about that,but I'm not going to change it._

_So,anyways,this is day one of training._

_Oh,and another thing,_

_the next twenty or so chapters will be about these three years of training because I really haven't thought about the story,_

_but hey,it's not like the series is finished or something._

_Anyways,your still going to enjoy it,no worries..._

* * *

"Straighten those spines,pissheads!The 104 trainees boot camp is about to start now!

Allow me to introduce myself!I'm commander Keith Shadis,and you will grow to hate me!"

_I'm already starting to hate you..._

I listened attentively as Shadis shouted on about how he would make our lives a living hell.

The boiling sun shined on my face and I was already starting to regret wearing my scarf as I stood there in an attentive position.

Shadis then started moving between the rows of soldiers,occasionally shouting at every other person.

I watched him headbutt Jean,then move to where Alicia,Frey,and I were standing.

He stood in front of Alicia,who saluted,eyes wide.

"Who are you,cadet!?" he shouted.

"A-alicia Bennet,from S-shinganshina!Sir!" she shouted.

"And what's a stuttering little sissy like you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm here s-so I can join the Recon C-corps and prove myself to be useful to humanity,Sir!" she shouted.

"Do you really think you can last as much as two minutes out there,cadet!?"

"Yes Sir!"

Shadis's face was inches away from her's now.

He then moved back and punched her head.

I almost moved out of my position,but decided against it.

Alicia's knees buckled and she grabbed her head.

"Get up,cadet!"

She shakily got up,tears in her eyes.

Suprisingly,she managed to get back in her salute position.

"Tell me,Bennet,"Shadis shouted,"did that hurt?"

"N-not at all Sir!"

"Well,if you shut up,then maybe you might just make a decent soldier!"

"Thank you Sir!"

"Good," he said,and turned to Frey.

Quickly,she saluted.

"Introduce yourself,cadet!" he shouted.

"My name is Frey Croswell!I'm also from the Shinganshina district,sir!I'm here to join the Survey Corps so that I can eliminate the titans from this world!Sir!"

Quickly,he grabbed her by the collar,lifted her up and shouted,

"I told you just to introduce yourself,Croswell!I did not ask the reason of your being here!"

"I understand,Sir!Please forgive me!Next time I'll listen to you!"

"Don't beg pathetically,Croswell!"

"Yes,Sir!"

He let go of her.

Frey quickly steadied herself and saluted.

He then started walking again,passing me.

_Good,this means I've earned the rite of passage..._

Half an hour later,after Shadis was done scaring the cadets,we were dismissed to explore the grounds on our own.

"When you said that the instructor would be extreme," said Frey while rubbing her neck,"I didn't believe you.I do now."

"He is pretty scary,"Alicia agreed,"but we have to survive with him for three years,now."

"And you two have already made friends with him," I said.

"By the way," asked Frey,"He passed you and a few others,how come?"

"We were the people who clearly saw the titans," I replied,"we've already earned his rite of passage."

"So," said Alicia as we walked together in the grounds,"what do you think of our fellow trainees?"

"Well,the guy with the long face,uh,Jean,right?" said Frey,"the guy wants to join the Military Police,right?"

"He looks like he could get in the top ten." said Alicia,

"Yeah," muttered Frey,"And what about the girl with the potato,Sasha Blouse?"

"Poor girls probably still running laps," muttered Alicia.

"Well,she was the one stupid enough to eat a potato right in front of our creepy instructor." replied Frey.

"Oh look,there she is," I said,pointing to her.

Sasha was already looking tired,despite the fact that she'd just started an hour ago.

"You two can look around more if you want to," I said,"I'm just gonna sit somewhere and read a book."

"Sure thing,bookworm," said Frey,and she led Alicia towards the grounds.

I took a small book out of my pocket.I hadn't read it yet and I was aching to.

Trying to ignore people the best way I could,I went down to the trench Sasha was running in.

I walked quietly to the side so that she wouldn't notice me.

I sat on the side of the trench cross legged,with my left leg dangling on the side.

Fortunately,Sasha still didn't notice me,so I was free to read my book in peace.

After an hour,I walked inside my cabin.

I was sharing it with Frey,Alicia,Mikasa,Sasha,Krista,Ymir and Annie,and lots of other girls.

_I can live with them._

"There you are," said Alicia as I entered the cabin,

"Come on,dinner's in half an hour."

I nodded as she pointed to my was the upper bunk.

"Mine's beneath yours." she said.

Next to the lower bunk were two top of one was my knapsack.

I started unpacking quietly while Frey and Alicia talked about dinner.

We were the only people in the room except for Hannah,who was at the other end of the bunk,unpacking.

I went to the bathroom and changed into black pants and a black,buttoned shirt with a white collar and arms.

I redid my braid on the top of my head so that my hair wouldn't bother me.

I put my uniform in the chest along with all my books and Nick's necklace.

My daggers were still hidden in my sleeves,and I still wore my scarf.

"Come on," I said,"Let's go eat dinner."

The sun had already set and it was getting dark by the time we reached the mess hall.

While walking,I spotted Sasha still running laps in the trench.

We walked in the mess hall and sat in a vacant table.

Our food was simple,a loaf of bread,water,and a soup.

I quietly ate my food.

The other cadets had learned that Eren and Armin were from Shinganshina,and lots of people were crowded around their table.

"Poor guy," said Frey,eating her soup,"he must be getting annoyed from answering all those stupid questions."

"Let's just hope they don't come here," said Alicia.

"I hope not," I said,"I don't want to punch someone."

I continued eating quietly,straining my ears so that I could hear what Eren was saying.

Frey and Alicia continued talking about what we'd start learning tomorrow,

"From now on,they're probably going to dump ice on us at three in the morning and make us run thirty laps everyday."said Frey.

"Tomorrow," I said,"We're going to have an aptitude can't pass that,your going to be shipped off to the fields."

"Well then," said Alicia,"I think we should get some rest .We've done eating anyways."

We started getting up,but I stopped.

Jean was mocking Eren,who was insulting Jean.

I watched the scene quietly.

Then Jean held out his hand and Eren slapped it,then walked away.

I watched as Mikasa followed him,and Jean complimented her hair,blushing.

I left I walked back to my cabin,Eren spotted me,and stared.

I continued walking.

We reached our was full by now.

I ignored the annoying chatter of excited girls and walked over to my bed.

Frey and Alicia climbed the ladder and sat along with me,staring at the girls.

"Do you think we'll be able to make friends?" asked Alicia.

"You will,your an angel," said Frey,then pointed at me,"you won't,your a demon."

"Thanks." I said,"Anyways,remember,tomorrow'll be pretty 's all about it?"

They nodded. Mikasa walked into the room.

She stared at me,eyes widening slowly,remembering me from two years ago.

"Come on," I said,"Let's go to sleep."

I laid on my bed,closing my eyes.

I opened them an hour later.

Ymir and Krista were laying Sasha on her bed.

After they had gone to sleep,I quietly walked out of bed,and out the door.

I walked silently in the ground,careful to avoid Shadis and the other instructors.

I looked at the small forest,then walked inside it.

Crickets chirped as leaves crunched underneath my boots.

I walked quietly,till I came across some barbed wire.

I moved back a few paces,then started running.

I jumped over it,forming a summersault in midair.

I landed neatly on the other side,and continued walking.

I reached the edge of the cliff.

Beneath me,a forest and a lake stood,its clear water glittering in the sunlight.

It sat on the edge of the cliff,with my left leg dangling on the side.

_Beautiful..._

* * *

_Enjoy!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hope you guys enjoy!_

* * *

"Wake up,cadets!"

I opened my eyes and turned my head.

Kieth Shadis was standing near the door, shouting at the top of his lungs,

"Come on,you pathetic excuses for ladies!Out of bed now!"

I sat on my bed,rubbing my eyes.

_Do you even realize the fact that your in the girl's dormitory?_

I quickly jumped out of my bed instead of using the ladder.I was the first one to wake up.

"Come on!Change into your uniforms and run outside!Your up for a little exercise!"

With that,he left .

Soon girls started waking up,yawning,stretching.

I walked to my chest and got out my uniform.I went to the bathrooms and changed into the white pants,shirt and brown jacket.

I went to the sink and washed my face.I gargled then redid my braid.

If we were exercising then I didn't want my hair to come in my face.

Mikasa came in with her looked at me.

I remembered that she had gotten a haircut last night from Mina.

She walked inside a stall to change.

Frey and Alicia came in along with another girl.

"Morning." Alicia muttered,rubbing her eyes.

"Why the hell do we have to get up so early?" muttered Frey,washing her face.

I looked outside a window.

It was only dawn.

"Exercise." I said,giving myself one last look in the mirror.

"Well," said Alicia,

"a female soldier came into the dormitory after said to quickly change and come outside."

She brought her blonde hair into her regular high pigtails.

She looked pretty childish doing it,but the haircut suited her.

Her hair reached a little past her shoulders now in this way.

Frey's black hair were open and they barely touched her shoulders.

"Let's not keep them waiting," I said as I put on my scarf.

We walked outside,the cool air hitting my body.

I saw the boys getting up in lines too,hair disheveled,yawning,streching and complaining.

We walked down to the ground,wondering what the exercise would be.

"They're probably going to make us run laps." I said,

"Your right," said Frey,"just so that the aptitude test could be more difficult."

"Well,I'm a fast runner," said Alicia cheerfully," It'll be easy!"

Frey snorted,"Not if you have to run ten kilometers."

We finally reached the grounds and stood in an attentive position,Alicia in front of me and Frey behind.

Shadis stood in front of us and shouted,"Morning, maggots!Hope you slept well because that was your last restful sleep for the next three years!

From now on,your going to get up every morning at dawn and run a hundred laps!"

The cadets exchanged looks of disbelief.

"Don't look at each other,you pissheads,look at me!Those of you who won't be able to run a hundred laps will be sentenced to kitchen duty for the next three months!Is that clear!?"

"Yes Sir!" we shouted.

"And remember!" he shouted," this is also a race!The first ten of each race will not do kitchen duty and the others will have to do laundry duty!"

_Kitchen duty if you don't make it,laundry duty if you do make it..._

"Is that clear!?"

"Yes Sir!" we saluted.

A few other instructors then arranged us into groups of thirty.I was in group three with the other two.

Then we went to the and Alicia were to my right,standing in their row made of chalk.

I realized that Mikasa was to my looked at me,then stared straight ahead.

I looked at people in my noticable person from Snk was in it.

_ Good,now I can check my limits._

I got ready.

"Good luck!" Frey whispered in my ear.I nodded.

An instructor signaled a flare and we were off.

I started sprinting as soon as I could.I was used to running in Trost,so this was easy for me.

Mikasa and I were neck to neck.I realized that we had left most of the others in the dust,but Annie was catching up to us real quick.

Mikasa looked at me.I could see that there was determination in her eyes.

I hadn't intended to make this a lap was half a kilometer long and I knew that I'd eventually get tired,but the look in her eyes made me rethink.

She quickened her pace,getting ahead of me.I put my arms behind me,and started going quicker too.

Annie caught up with us too.

I looked behind was a few paces behind and a little way off were Sasha and Alicia,Frey at their tails.

Most of the others were still quiet a way back.I looked straight ahead,realizing that we were nearing the end of the lap.

We had to touch the wooden pole in front of us,then go back to the starting point to make the second lap.

I decided I would like to not do the laundry duty and so,I suddenly willed myself to go faster,leaving Annie and Mikasa behind.

I touched the pole and spun around,giving Mikasa a look before running in the opposite direction.

But soon,she and Annie were right behind me.

I wasn't tired already,I could sprint for another fifteen laps before getting tired,and that was what I was going to do.

Mikasa was parallel to me again.I looked at her,both of our faces were emotionless,but I could see the determination and the challenge in her eyes.

She wanted to win,so did I.

_Come on Ackerman,let's see who's better..._

* * *

I was tired,Mikasa was too.

This wasn't suprising,considering the fact that we had been running for three hours straight.

Both of us were on the seventy fifth lap,and we were the only ones on it.

The two of us had stopped sprinting after lap twenty five,by then ten cadets had already quit or passed out.

Frey,Alicia,Sasha,Connie,Krista and Ymir had quit at lap forty.

Armin passed out at thirty.

Jean and Marco had quit at lap fifty,Marco having passed out..

Eren,though he did his best,fell at lap sixty and couldn't get up again.

Reiner and Bertholt,both quit at sixty five,Bertholt amusingly passing out in a puddle of his own sweat.

Annie,panting,fell on her knees at lap seventy two,utterly disappointed in herself.

Mikasa and I were the only two remaining,both panting,but still running.

I touched the pole and turned around,quickening my pace in the hopes of getting an advantage over her.

Both of us were wearing our scarfs and the boiling sun did nothing to comfort us.

We both made it to lap eighty when Shadis shouted,"Starke!Ackerman!Get your asses over here now!"

I stopped,silently taking a heavenly mouthful of air.

The two of us looked at each other,than sprinted towards the instructor.

There was another instructor behind him who handed us two water bottles.

Mikasa muttered a silent 'Thank you' whereas I merely nodded.

I downed the bottle in one breath,she doing the same.

After drinking we saluted to Shadis who said,

"The too of you are the only ones who made to the eightieth lap and also the only two work."

"Thank you ,Sir!"

He then started walking towards the other cadets.

I looked for Frey and was slumped against a tree while Frey was lying on her back,staring tiredly at the sky.

She smiled when she saw me,a somewhat amused expression on her face.

"Listen up you sweaty piles of rotten garbage!"Shadis boomed,"looks like not one of you filth made it a hundred laps."

_I would have if you haven't stopped me..._

Then he shouted,"Starke!Ackerman!Leonhart!Braun!Hoover!Jeager!Kirchtein!Bott!Croswell!Bennet!Braus!"

I watched amusedly as Eren quickly got up and slipped in the dirt,Jean turning around so quick he knocked into Marco,Annie not bothering to get up,Reiner and Bertholt too tired to,Frey getting up and slumping against the tree and Sasha absentmindedly drooling about something.

"The ten of you had the best time!You are exempted from kitchen and laundry duty."

"Yes,Sir!"

"And to the rest of you roaches,shame on you!You thought that being in the military would be like a walk in the park!?Well then,your better off in the fields!"

I tuned Shadis out while he continued scolding us.

"Now then!" he shouted,"Your aptitude test is in three wash you filth selves,eat and report to the grounds at twelve hundred hours!"

"Yes Sir!"

As soon as he was gone,most of the cadets collapsed on the floor in joy.I walked over to Frey and Alicia.

"Hey," I said,"you two look like crap."

"Thanks," muttered Frey,"you look great,though."

"How did you and Mikasa run eighty miles?" asked Alicia,"I barely ran forty seven,and almost passed out."

"I'm strong." was my reply,"Now come on,let's go wash ourselves first and then eat.

We're filthy right now."

"That's true," said Frey,"but I can't get up."

"Me neither." muttered Alicia.

I walked over to Frey,"Wan't me to carry you?" I asked,bending down.

"I'm not that weak," she muttered,"I'm just tired."

I grabbed her left arm and put it around my shoulder.

I stood up easily,causing her to stand on her toes since she was a little shorter than me.

I walked over to Alicia,doing the same.

"Bend down," muttered Frey," I want to walk."

I hunched up a little for the two of them.

"Thanks." said Alicia.I nodded.

We walked slowly to the girl's dormitory,but we were still the first ones to arrive.

I dropped the two of them on their beds and said,

"Take some clothes and hit the baths."

I walked up to my chest and took out a white buttoned shirt and black pants.

I spent about twenty minutes in the baths and came out,fully refreshed.

My hair were wet so I left them open after drying them with a towel

I waited for Frey and Alicia while reading a book.

Girls came and went,but now the cabin was empty.

Mikasa came stared at me.

I stared back,my face emotionless.

Our staring competition went on for a minute,until she said,

"Your sitting on my bed."

I had no idea whose bed it was,so I just nodded and got up.

Frey and Alicia came in,chatting about something.

"Hey,you Mikasa Ackerman,aren't you?" asked Frey.

"You were amazing today." said Alicia.

"Thank you," she said and headed towards the baths.

I looked at the two,

Frey was wearing a white and green buttoned shirt and white pants.

Alicia was wearing a simple white dress that reached her knees and white leggings underneath.

"Feeling better?" I asked."Loads." Frey replied.

"Come on,let's go have lunch." said Alicia.

We walked towards the mess hall.

Luckily,my hair dried by then.

I looked around.

Eren and Armin seemed half awake,eating quietly.

Marco had his head in his hands.

Sasha was hungrily devouring her food.

Annie was angrily looking into her mug,utterly disappointed in herself.

We ate lunch quietly until Connie came up to us,

"Hey,your Sophielle Stark,aren't you?" He seemed like he had a bit too much sugar.

"Yes," I replied.

"Wow!How did you manage to run that much?And you and Mikasa were going so fast too!"

He sat next to Frey,who scooted away from him as if he carried the plague.

I din't want to bother with him right now,so I told Frey and Alicia to eat the rest of my food and got out.

I went back to the dormitory to brush my hair.I decided to leave them open.

Some hair fell om my left eye,blocking half of it.

I pushed them away.I bent hair had a bit of a step cutting.

The hair which came towards my shoulders reached only reached a bit past my shoulders.

The rest were of the same length,they reached my knees.

I gave myself one last look in the mirror then walked out.

The cabin was almost full .

Most of the girl's were asleep,trying to get some sleep before the aptitude test.

Frey and Alicia walked in."Thanks for ditching us with avatar man." muttered Frey.

"Your welcome." I replied."He wasn't that bad." said Alicia.

"We should get some rest." Alicia said,already getting in bed,"I don't want to be sent to the fields."

Frey nodded,"Your sleeping too?" she asked me.

"I'm staying here." I said.

She nodded and went to her bed.

I climbed up to my bunk with a book.I'd already read half of it.

Annie walked in,she looked at me.I decided to hold a staring competition with her too.

Our competition went uninterrupted until Ymir stirred in her sleep.

Annie walked over to her bunk above Hannah's and closed her eyes.

I rested my back on the wall ,sitting crosslegged,and started reading.

I finished the book in fifteen minutes,and since I had two hours left,I decided to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of the door being banged on.

Whoever he was,he was shouting,"Come on,cadets!Report to the ground in ten minutes!"

I jumped out off bed, landing silently like a cat.

I nudged Alicia and then walked over to Frey.

"Come on," I said,"Change into your uniforms."

I changed into my uniform and walked out with the two.

"You left your hair completely open." said Frey,"Aren't they going to bother you?"

"I hope not," I replied.

Once again,we were arranged into groups,with the same people.

Mikasa was to my right,and Frey and Alicia to my left.

"Good luck," I said as we walked over to the poles.

I put on my belt,attached it to the lines,and waited.

I slowly got lifted up.I was surprised, it was a lot easier than I had expected.

I wasn't even slightly swinging like Mikasa,I was perfectly still.

Most of the cadets were looking at us,shocked.

I just kept on staring ahead,not bothering.

Shadis nodded approvingly at the two of us,then continued shouting at Eren.

He had,like I expected,defective equipment,but I decided to say nothing about it.

I turned to Frey and ,suprisingly,was comfortably swinging,happy with herself.

Frey,on the other hand,was struggling,but she soon got it right,

until she got distracted and slipped,hanging upside down.

"Croswell!Get yourself together and stand straight!" Shadis shouted.

"Y-yes sir!" she tried desperately to stand upright ,but it was no use.

Shadis then ordered Daz to straighten her,and after that, she kept her balance.

We stayed hanging for another half an hour,after which most of the trainees,(Except Eren) had managed to stand up staight.

We were dismissed after the group had finished its training.

"Had fun?" I asked Frey and Alicia."Yep!" Alicia smiled.

"It was fun," said Frey,"but I screwed up."

"You just got distracted," I assured her,"You do have the brain the size of a peanut,you know..."

She nodded seriously, what I had just said,attempted to push me.

"It's alright," I said," We'll come back when all the other groups are done,we'll come back."

She walked back to the cabins.

* * *

"It's all about balance," I said,"You can't force it."

She nodded.

As soon as the other cadets were gone,we'd come back.

The sun was going to start setting soon,and I wanted to be done before the other three arrived.

I attached the hooks to her belt."You ready?"I asked.

"Yeah," she said,I nodded towards Alicia,who lifted her up.

She started off steady.I watched her for five minutes.

"Relax your body," I said,"But not that 't lean casually stay upright."

I looked at Alicia,who smiled and nodded after remembering our plan.

I walked away from the poles."Hey,where are you going?" asked Frey.

I stopped and faced her.

Then,putting my arms behind me,started running towards her.

"Hey,what are you-Aaaah!"

She screamed as I bought my leg up for a flying kick.

I stopped inches away from her foot,which had replaced her face right now.

"What the-Damn you,Sophielle!Just wait till I get out!"

She continued ranting while Alicia giggled uncontrollably.

I noticed a lot of cadets had been staring at us,but I ignored them.

"Get back up." I said."I can't!" she said.

"If it's that easy,try it yourself." "Fine then." I said.

I attached hooks to my belt of the next lifted me up.

I stayed perfectly balanced,then allowed myself to slip,now hanging upside down like Frey.

"You have to quickly stay upright." I guided," or else the blood will rush into your head."

"Well,how about instead of warning me," muttered Frey,"you show me,how to!"

I closed my eyes,then,calmly put pressure on my feet and legs until I was upright.

Frey and Alicia stared at me in shock,"Your going to have to learn to do that in the maneuver gear training."

"Well unlike you," said Frey,annoyed,"I don't have the Force backing me."

"Bring your legs and head closer to your body,then," I said," as if your doing a somersault."

She nodded and the seventh try,she managed to get up,relieved.

"Oh, thank God," she said," I'm having a serious headache right now."

Alicia put me down.I walked over to her,"You alright?" I asked.

"Yeah," she smiled."Good," I replied,"come on Alicia."

"Hey,where are you...your not leaving me,are you!?"

I ignored her cries as I grabbed Alicia's shoulder and pulled her along with me.

"Someone else will put you down," I said,"Until then,practice."

Alicia giggled and waved at her,"Bye bye."

Eren and the others would be coming right now,so she didn't have to worry about being put down.I spotted the trio as we made our way off the grounds.

I pulled Alicia along in the other direction so that I could avoid them.

"So," asked Alicia,"what do you want to do until dinner?"

"I was planning on reading a book." I said.

"Well that's no surprise..." she muttered.

"I'm just going to roam around the grounds," she said,"hopefully make a few friends."

"Ok." I replied.

I actually didn't spend the evening reading,

Armin let Frey down who started yelling something about revenge and left the confused trio.

The grounds were surrounded by trees.I leaned against one in the distance to watch Eren failing miserably to try and stay upright.

I watched until Eren broke his head and Armin and Mikasa quickly took him away.

I then spent the rest of my time in my cabin,reading my book.

I entered the mess hall,sitting with Alicia.

It was filled with annoying chatter.I quietly ate my potato,then glanced at Eren.

He was sitting quietly,as if in a daze.

In the table next to me, I heard some one mock him.

"Hey!" I looked was Frey."Thanks for the ditch," she muttered angrily.

"Your welcome," I said.

Alicia smiled guiltily as Frey sent her a glare too.

The rest of the evening passed away without much trouble.

As soon as the bell rang,cadets started filling out of the hall.I almost made it out of the door before someone touched my shoulder.

I calmly turned around to see Eren Jeager.

His hand was still on my shoulder,and his eyes wide.I guess he had noticed me just now,

probably remembering the girl who had tried to save his mother,be made a fool out of the Scouting Regiment,and just a few months ago was covered in blood.

I slapped his forehead with my middle finger,leaving a nasty mark on it.

"Hey!" he cried,rubbing his forehead.I walked out of the hall ,ignoring him.

He ran out of the hall,looking for me,but I quickly turned a corner and made my way back to the cabins.

* * *

"Sophielle?" I looked was Krista,"there's some one on the door.

He asked for you."

I exchanged glances with Frey and Alicia."Who?" I asked.

"It's that boy,the one who messed up today during the aptitude test," she said,"and his blonde friend is with him too."

"Eren Jeager?" said Frey,"what does he want with you?"

"No idea." I replied.

At the mention of his name,Mikasa,who was quietly talking with Mina,looked in my direction,then walked out of the door.

"Come on," I said,jumping out of my bed."He didn't ask for us." said Alicia.

"I don't care," I said,pulling on my boots," your coming with me."

We walked out of the door together,Alicia to my right and Frey to my left.

I opened the door to find Eren,Armin and Mikasa.

I closed the door and asked,"What do you want?"

"Um,began Eren," I,uh,could you show me how to keep my balance in the aptitude test?"

I could tell that he wanted to ask me what he wanted to ask before,but right now there were just too many people here.

"No," I replied and turned towards the door.

"Wait Sophielle-" he grabbed my shoulder but I shook him off,

"Try Braun and Hoover," I said,"those two were pretty good at it too."

I stopped,and said,"Oh,and call me Starke."

With that,I left the three of them.

"well that was a bit rude,wasn't it?" asked Frey.

"I don't care." I said and climbed on my bed.

"Goodnight." I said.

* * *

"Okay Cadets!" Shadis shouted.

We saluted."Those of you," he shouted,"who were not able to stay upright during yesterday's aptitude test will have one last they do not stay upright today,they will be shipped off to the fields!"

"Yes Sir!"

I watched as Eren slowly got lifted up.

At first, he maintained his balance,then quickly slipped.

I watched quietly as he begged Shadis for another chance,

then I saluted and said,"Sir!"

Every head turned to me,including Shadis and Eren.

"Sir," I said,"Can I exchange my belt with Jeager's?"

Lots of people gave me confused looks but Shadis just nodded.

I walked over to him and, grabbing his shoulder,easily lifted him up.

I took off my belt and held it out to looked at it,then me,then back at it.

Then,as if waking up from a daze,took it and gave me his.

Instead of putting it on,I gave it to Shadis and went back in line.

Shadis didn't bother looking up as Eren maintained his balance.

He then said something about busting heads while the whole crowd busted into cheers.

Eren looked at me happily,but I looked away.

I didn't want him to think that I was his friend now.

_But still... it feels nice..._


	8. Chapter 8

_ First of all,thanks to all the lovely reviews you people have given me,you guys really encouraged me!_

_But this chapter is pretty pathetic,since I am a pathetic writer._

_But no worries!The next chapter will be awesome!_

_So the 104 learns to ride horses,and Jean horses around!_

_Enjoy! _

* * *

_14 may,847 Wednesday_

_"You can't change anything unless you can discard part of yourself too. To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity."_

_In other words... your a coward .You can change everything,but you won't change anything.I think that it's time for you to lose your humanity,because if you don't, your never going to change._

_I think it's time to change..._

_Don't you?..._

I opened my eyes.

I was in my bed,staring at the ceiling,while some one opened the door to our cabin.

I turned my head to see who it was,

Instructor Lydia was standing at the doorway in her uniform.

"Wake up cadets!" she shouted.

In a second,I jumped out of my bed and woke Alicia and Frey.

I took out my uniform and was about to go to the bathroom,when I looked out of the window.

_It's morning... we usually wake up at dawn._

"Instructor," I said,turning to her,"why did we wake up so late?"

"That's because today,we're not running laps," she smiled,then announced.

"Today,your going to learn how to ride a horse.

We'll be skipping the laps today since we've got to go somewhere.

Wash yourselves,change into your uniforms,and come down for breakfast.

Then we're off."

I nodded and headed to the washrooms.

While washing,I wondered about my dream.

I couldn't see the person who was talking,and I'd forgotten half of it.

_I think it's time to change..._

_Change what?_

I put on my uniform and walked out of the washrooms,surprised to see Frey and Alicia waiting for me.

"Took you long enough," Frey muttered.

"Morning to you too." I replied.

We walked to the mess hall.

The two seemed pretty excited about the horse riding.

"It's going to be awesome!" said Frey.

I nodded.I was pretty excited too,though of course,I didn't say I noticed Alicia.

She had her head down,like she was trying to avoid talking.

I stopped and asked," What's wrong?"

"Hm," Frey stopped,and turned to us,"What is it?"

Alicia looked up,"What?It's nothing,really."

"Your eyes are red," I pointed out.

She quickly wiped her eyes, "I told you, nothing's wrong."

"Alicia," said Frey,quickly grabbing her shoulder," what's wrong?"

"I just realized," said Alicia sadly,"That's what we were going to do,right?We were going to go horse riding,before that car hit us... and we came here."

"Yeah," said Frey,looking at the ground.

"So what?" I asked,snapping both of them out of their daze.

I turned and walked towards the mess hall,"There's going to be a lot of mention of horses from now on.

Don't get worked up over something so stupid."

I stopped,without looking back,I said,"Besides,we're finally getting to ride them

Why are you being sad?"

"Your right,"Frey smiled,and put her arm around Alicia,"Come on,let's go."

We reached the mess hall and sat down on our usual table.

"Hey," said Frey," today's omelet day!"

"Your right," I said,digging into mine.

After two weeks of training,we'd finally gotten used to the military training.

Every morning,we ran fifty laps.

Then we had breakfast,then we did a bit more physical work,helping the instructors,cleaning the buildings,then we had lessons.

We had normal education,our subjects were English,Mathematics,Science and History.

They was pretty easy for me and the two,but History had always been interesting.

Whenever we were discussing something,someone,like Armin would ask why talk of the outside world was illegal,then the teacher would try to come up with a reason why it was wrong.

Then Eren would back him up,which would cause the teacher to get angry,and he would scold the two of them,then Jean would laugh,which would cause Eren to get angry and yell at Jean,then Mikasa would try to calm him,then Eren would yell at her,which would cause her to get sad.

Then Connie would loudly whisper to Reiner about who would punch the other first.

Jean would hear him,then jump at him,but Marco would pull him back,then the teacher would shout a loud "Silence!",and everything would come to an abrupt halt.

Frey would stuff her fist in her mouth to keep herself from laughing while Ymir would outright laugh.

This would happen at least once in a week.

It had also become my personal source of the evenings,after dinner,the three of us were usually in the cabins,revising our lessons,which was fine by me.

Sometimes,Krista would try to get to know the others.

Frey and Alicia would get along nicely with the others,while I had made it pretty clear that I wasn't looking for friends.

I wasn't rude or anything.

Sometimes Mina would ask me something and I'd quietly reply,but I didn't keep up the conversation.

After breakfast, we got on carriages and set off.I was in the carriage along with Alicia,Frey,Marco,Mikasa and Jean.

"Riding a horse is easy," Jean told Marco loudly," I'm going to ace it."

"Of course," I said the Frey,"his brethren will yield to him,won't they."

Frey snickered at my comment,earning a look from Mikasa.

We reached the place half an hour later.

It was a big field away from the wall with the forest quite a distance away too.

I looked at the was pretty far one except for the trainees squad and the instructors were there.

Except for the were at least a hundred of them,free roaming around,running,munching grass.

Shadis was on a horse and started shouting,

"Alright,you pathetic roaches, ,your gonna learn to ride a horse,if you don't already Scouting Legion had very generously lend us their horses,so if you do something wrong,I'm gonna beat the shit out of you!Understand!?"

"Yes Sir!"

"Now then," he said," get on a horse,and start riding it!"

_That's simple..._

Excited chatter filled the field as the cadets tried to get on the horses.

"Which one should I pick?" asked Alicia,looking around."Pick any one," I said and left the two.

Since horses weren't purple,I decided to look for a black horse.

These were the horses of the South Regiment,so they were pretty well trained.

I looked I expected,most of the cadets had never rode on a horse,and the one with experience like Sasha were trying to get a good one.

Eren was failing miserably with his horse.

He tried jumping on it,but the horse ran away and he fell flat on his face.

Mikasa was too busy caring for him to look for a horse.I spotted a black horse and quickly walked over to it.

It was quiet beautiful,it had a silky black mane and a scar that ran down it's face,a battle scar.

I could tell that it probably belonged to a squad leader,since it was superiorly looking down at me.

_Maybe it's Levi's..._

I calmly walked over to it,my hand challenged me with its eyes,seeing if I was a worthy rider.

Our staring competition went on for a few seconds,till it bowed its head.

I patted it's face,running my finger softly over it's scar.

I quickly got on it,followed by Sasha and Mikasa and a few others.

After everyone was on their horse,Shadis shouted,

"Okay,maggots!Your objective is to reach the wall without falling off your horses.

If your fast enough,you might reach the wall in just half an hour!Get moving!"

Instructor Lydia,who was also on a horse,said,

"Okay,I'm going to fire the flare and you'll start.

Remember,it's not a race,you just have to learn to control your horse.

Other instructors will be riding along side you,grading you as you ride."

I looked around for Frey and gave me a thumbs up and Alicia,a huge smile.

I rode between the two,nodding at the both of them.

"Ready?" I asked Alicia,who nodded excitedly.

Lydia covered one ear and shot the red flare in the sky.

I kicked my horse to get it started of faster than I expected,the wind knocking at me,hard.

But I managed to stay on top of the horse and leaned forward to get my body more streamlined.

_Faster,come on,go faster!_

As if the horse could read my mind,it at once started to go faster.I looked behind me.

Sasha was closing in fast,along with half of the others couldn't get their horses to move.

Jean fell off his horse as soon as he kicked it.

_ So much for his brethren yielding to him..._

Frey and Alicia were riding side by side,not bothering about getting to the wall.

Sasha and I were neck to neck now.

She gave me a huge grin and I nodded.

"This is fun!" she shouted,"let's see who get's to the wall first!"

_Alright then,your on,potato girl._

* * *

Ironically,we didn't make it to the wall.

The ride was pretty nice.

The horses were really fast,so my open hair drifted freely in the was awesome,basically.

Sasha and I were always neck to neck,but when we got close to the wall,I realized I was going to crash into it at this speed.

"Slow down," I said and stopped my horse a few meters away from the wall.

Unfortunately,Sasha didn't get my warning and happily went on a head,then she tried stopping the horse but it threw her off itself and she crashed into the wall.

_Idiot..._

I looked behind me,Mikasa and Reiner stopped their horses in time.I got off my horse and hoisted Sasha up.

She smiled and said,"Hey,thanks Sophi-"

"Stark," I interrupted," call me Stark."and walked back to my horse.

Most of the cadets had arrived by now.

I walked over to Frey and Alicia,

"How was it?"I asked.

"It was awesome!" Alicia said nodded.

Shadis came trotting on his horse,yelling about getting back to the carriages.

We walked back to the carriages.I was about to get on when I heard a cry.

I turned around to find Jean being lifted up by a horse,who had his collar in it's mouth.

After the initial snickers,Shadis ordered Jean to stop horsing around which caused everyone to collapse in a fit of giggles.

"Idiots..." I muttered an got on the carriage.

_Well,today was interesting..._

* * *

_I'm sorry for the rubbish chapter!_

_But if you liked it,though I doubt it,please review,fav,and follow!_

_Bye!_


	9. Chapter 9

_So this is chapter nine!_

_Listen,I'm really sorry it took so long to update._

_But I really liked this chapter,so enjoy!_

_Oh,and soory I didn't tell you before,but_

_SPOILERS FROM MANGA!_

* * *

_21 July 847_

_I opened my eyes._

_I was lying on my back,looking at the cloudless blue sky._

_It would have been pretty nice,if I knew where I was._

_Grass surrounded me.I could smell the beautiful smell of different flowers...and something else._

_'Where am I?' I thought to myself,'Is this a dream?'_

_It all felt real,the grass underneath me,the grass around me,tickling my skin,and the light breeze that was blowing._

_It all felt very real._

_And very familiar..._

_I got up and looked around._

_Just as I thought,I was in Shinganshina._

_Well,what was left of it._

_Even from where I was sitting,I could see the hole in the wall,plus the damage done on top of the wall._

_And Shinganshina itself,was in ruins._

_Houses,towers and buildings were in piles of rubble._

_Even from the distance,I could see large amounts of the field was smeared with blood,it's stench blocking the scent of the flowers._

_But that didn't surprise me,nor did the fact that there were no dead bodies,the titans had probably eaten them all._

_The huge titans roaming freely around me did surprise me,though._

_There were only a few,since most of them were probably in Wall Maria by now._

_A titan came close to me._

_From it's size and structure,I'd say it was a six meter class._

_Now,normally,I would have jumped straight up and reach for my daggers._

_But I didn't .Not because I didn't have them,but because of something else._

_The titan,it was a female I guess, wasn't looking at me,_

_it was staring straight ahead._

_It kept on walking at my right,not noticing me._

_After it had gone,I checked my appearance._

_My brown hair were open,with the shorter flicks blocking my left eye,as usual._

_I was wearing a light purple dress that reached halfway till my lower legs,and white leggings underneath._

_I was also wearing white pumps and white socks._

_I rubbed my eyes,getting the exhaustion out of them,then got up._

_'Why am I here?' I thought._

_Somehow I could tell that this was dream._

_It wasn't like my first time in Shinganshina,two years ago._

_I felt airy,like I was just mentally here,not physically._

_Well,there was no point in just standing there._

_Actually there was,titans were ignoring me,and if this was a dream,I could just sit here till I woke up._

_But curiosity got the best of me,and I started walking towards the town._

_I reached the ruins.A few titans were roaming around,not caring about me._

_I walked in one of the less bloody streets till I came to a destroyed water underneath it was nothing more than a pool of blood._

_Easily jumping to the other side,I walked into another street which was blocked by a rock._

_I turned back and walked into another street._

_I wasn't going to shout out loud like an idiot,I didn't utter a single word as I walked._

_I turned a corner and knocked straight into some one._

_Now,I'm not short .Mikasa and I are of the same height._

_So this person,whoever they were,had to be really tall._

_I looked up to see short black hair,green eyes and tan skin._

_He looked at me,shocked._

_Not because we were here,but because he recognized me._

_And I recognized him._

_"Betholt." I spoke for the first time since I came here._

_"Sophie-"_

* * *

"Wake up!"

I opened my eyes.

I was back in my dorm,with Keith Shadis yelling at us.

I got up and looked at him.

He looked like his usual angry self,shouting at us to get up.

_Idiot..._

I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to change.

While washing my face,I thought about my dream.

_It was a dream alright,but it was more vivid then any of my dreams..._

_I can still smell the blood in the air,and Bertholt..._

_No,not Bertholt, The Colossal who killed so many innocent people._

_What was he doing there?In my dream?_

_Did he have the same dream last night?_

_He recognized me,so maybe we did share the dream._

_But why would I dream about him? and why would he dream about me?_

I rubbed my was no point in over thinking he did dream about me,he'd tell Reiner and Annie.

So I had to be careful from now on.

"Morning," Frey yawned as she entered the bathroom.

I three of us walked towards the grounds.

When we reached it,I casually looked at the cadets.

Reiner and Bertholt were staring at me.I didn't hold their gaze,not even for a fraction of a second longer.I didn't want them to think I had the same dream.

But by Bertholt's face,I could see that he had had the same dream.

He was worried and sweating nervously.

Reiner was giving me a casual look too,but I could see the cautiousness behind his eyes.

I looked at Annie.

Apparently,Bertholt hadn't told her yet because she wasn't sending death glares at me.

After that,we started running.

After an hour,we were done.

I walked to the mess hall with Frey and Alicia for breakfast.

Sitting in our usual table,I looked around the hall.

Annie was trying to pierce a hole in my skin.I guess Bertholt had told her when we were showering.

After lunch,we went back to the was gun training day today.

We had to hit the bull's eye as many times as we could.

I had pretty nice aim, so it was pretty easy for me.

All was going well,until some one shot my hand.

Suddenly,I felt a painful sensation in my right hand.

I winced and looked at it,There was a bullet in it.

"Shit." I said and brought it up to examine it.

The bullet was stuck in my hand,with blood oozing out,dripping on the ground.

I looked up to find Frey staring at me in shock,a broken rifle in her hands.

In a second,she and Alicia were by my side.

"I'm sorry!" cried Frey,"I don't know what happened!All at once the gun made a weird sound and got out of my control!"

"It's okay," I said,putting my left hand on her shoulder.

"Does it hurt?" Asked Alicia,examining my hand.

"Like Hell." I replied,and winced again.

Shadis came up to us,"What's the hold up,Stark!?"

"I accidentally got shot,sir." I said.

He examined my hand,then said,

"Bennet!Croswell!Take her to the infirmary!"

"YES Sir!"

We hurried away from the grounds and walked towards the infirmary.

Frey kept apologizing the whole time.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

I wasn't mad at her,every one makes mistakes.

"It's alright," I said, "I'm a lefty,the injury won't bother me."

"A bullet in your hand won't bother you!?" she asked.

"The nurse will take it out," said Alicia soothingly.

"In fact,she won't need too." I said and dug my left hand into the other one.

Wincing,I dug into the flesh towards the bullet.

"Are you crazy!?" shouted Frey,"Stop!"

Alicia tried to grab my hand but I moved away.

"It's alright," I said,wincing,"I'm just taking the bullet out."

I dug my nails into my hand,trying to avoid as much flesh as I could.

Finally,my fingers touched the bullet,but it was still stuck in my hand.

Using my thumb,I wriggled it to the side of the bullet to widen the wound.

The tearing of my flesh was pretty painful,but I ignored it.

Quickly,I pulled the bullet out,my hand covered in blood.

"Shit," I said,looking at my filthy hand.

"Are you alright?" asked Alicia.

"I'm fine," I replied."Your crazy." Frey said.

"Doesn't it hurt?" asked Alicia.

"It does,but it's reducing."

I assured her.

It was true,the pain was reducing.

That was unusual... but I wasn't complaining

I put the bullet in my pocket.

"Wouldn't want any one tripping over it," I said to the other two.

The pain was quickly reducing,much to my relief.

But my hand was feeling very,very warm.

We walked towards the infirmary in silence,until it was broken by Alicia.

"Are we lost?" she asked,looking around.

The way to the infirmary was underground,so we had to get there through a series of tunnels,which all looked the same.

"I don't know," said Frey,"how's your hand?"

"It's fine,"I said,not bothering to look at it,"just a little hot."

"Hot?Why is it-"

"Got it," said Alicia," there's a right turn over there."

"That's the way to the infirmary," I said," Let's go."

We started walking again.

The hotness in my hand was better than the pain,but it wasn't comforting.

I started rubbing my hand as I walked,following the other two.

We started walking up the stairs.

_Why is it becoming hot?_

I glanced down at it,and my eyes widened.

There was no wound.

I started rubbing it,stretching the skin.

But there was no wound,no scar and the hotness was subsiding.

There was only blood,which had also dried up.

"There it is!" Frey said,pointing to a door.

I put my hand behind my back and nodded.

We opened the door and walked into the infirmary.

Fortunately for me,the infirmary was completely empty.

There were no doctors or nurses,and only Franz was sleeping in a nearby bed because he had broken his head during training two days ago.

"Where's everyone?" asked Frey.

"Their probably having a break,"said Alicia,"so what do we do know?"

"I'll stitch myself up," I said,"I know how to do it."

"It's dangerous," said Frey.

"I can do it," I said walking to a table," besides,Shadis said the two of you just have to drop me off then get back.

He's going to get angry if you don't."

"Alright,if you say so," said Frey, worried.

"Just be careful," said Alicia and the two left.

As soon as they were gone,I drew the curtains around my bed and sat on it.

I stared at my hand,looking at the dry blood,trying to find something.

A scar,a scratch,anything that would indicate that a bullet was in my hand ten minutes ago.

But there was nothing.

I grabbed my head,closing my eyes.

_My hand healed in minutes._

_It felt very hot._

_Not even a scar was left._

_Just like Eren..._

_Just like Annie..._

_Just like Riener..._

_Just like Bertholt..._

_Just like Ymir..._

_Just like..._

_A Titan._

* * *

_I can't be a titan.I cannot be a titan._

_No,not a titan._

_A titan shifter._

_A cross between a human and a titan._

_A cross between a human and a Monster._

These thoughts were the only things that crossed my mind,as I ate dinner.

Due to my 'injury',I was exempted from training.

I would have preferred the work,I'd spent the whole time thinking one question,

_Was I a titan shifter?_

I'd wrapped my hand in bandages so it didn't look suspicious.

Right now,I was in the mess hall with Frey and Alicia.

Frey was talking about how Shadis made her run laps for shooting me,but I wasn't listening.

I took another sip of the vegetable soup we had for dinner.

It didn't taste good,but I didn't care.

_My hand healed exactly like a titan shifter's._

_There was no steam,but I wasn't looking,and it felt very hot._

_And what else can it be?_

I looked up to see Betholt and Riener staring at me.

_I saw Bertholt in my dream._

_Why?_

_Is it because he's a titan shifter too?_

I looked down at my bowl again.

I still had no idea why I had that dream.

I was interrupted by a sound.

Jean and Eren were fighting again,like they did every other night.

This was usually a great source of entertainment for me,but I had other things to think about.

_Why was I in Shinganshina?_

_Had I been transported there?_

_It all felt so real..._

I looked up again.

Jean had thrown Eren at our table,causing the other two to get up.

"Hey,watch it!" Frey said,but they weren't listening.

I looked down again,not bothered.

I took another sip of the hot soup.

_But why was Bertholt there?_

_If it's because he's a titan shifter,why didn't I meet the othe-_

I blinked and looked up.

Eren's elbow had knocked my soup right into my face.

The soup was hot,and it had given me a few burns.

I hated getting burned.I could easily shrug off a bullet in the hand but when I got burnt,the pain was like x1000.

I looked down at my lap.

_My clothes are all filthy..._

I looked at the two.

They were paying no attention to me.

Jean had his hands around Eren's neck and Eren was trying to knee Jean in the gut.

I got up,my bowl clattering to the floor.

The mess hall got considerably quieter,but the two kept on fighting.

Calmly,I grabbed Jean by the hair and lifted him up.

I kneed him in the face,then threw him halfway across the hall.

Eren gave me a confused expression,but I wasn't going to spare him either.

I grabbed him and kicked him in the gut,then threw him towards Jean.

He landed next to Jean.

In seconds,Marco,Armin and Mikasa were with them.

I quietly turned around and headed out of the silent hall.

* * *

"Here," said Frey as she handed me a tiny bottle.

We were in the cabins,with me explaining something to Alicia.

The two of us were perched on my bed,doing History.

Mikasa wasn't here,which was a good thing.

I'd washed myself up and changed into my usual black and white shirt and black pants.

I opened the bottle.

Inside it was a golden,thick,liquid.

Honey.

"It helps for the burns," she said as she sat with us.

Honey was extremely rare and expensive.

"Where'd you get it?" I asked.

"Stole it from the kitchen," she said normally.

"Excuse me?"said Alicia," stealing's wrong."

"Don't care," Frey replied,"how's your hand."

"Perfect," I replied,putting some honey on the burns,which weren't that visible now.

_My regeneration against burns is very slow._

_Great..._

I handed the bottle to Alicia," have some,"

She looked at it hesitantly,then took some.

I handed the bottle back to Frey,who helped herself.

I glanced out of the window,which was next to my bunk.

On the windowsill was the bullet that I had put in my pocket.I stared at it.

The cabin door opened,and an angry Mikasa walked in.

She walked up to my bunk and said," Come down."

I dangled my legs to the edge of the bed and looked down at her.

"No," I said calmly.

Every girl in the cabin had her eyes on us.

I knew I was testing her patience,but I didn't care.

" .Now." she said,narrowing her eyes at me.

I stared at her,then said, "I won't."

Mikasa gave me an angry look and yanked at my leg,pulling me down.

I landed on my feet and found her face inches away from mine,

"You hurt Eren," she said venomously.

"That's a pretty obvious thing to say," I replied.

I was toying with her.

She knew that.

She knew that I was waiting for her to make the first move.

She grabbed my collar and said,"If you hurt Eren one more time,"

"So what are you going to do Ackerman?" I asked,

"I'm pretty sure I can take you ,"

I tilted my head to the side,

"I'm not.I have no need.

Unlike you,I don't have to protect some weak,suicidal bas-"

She released my collar and her fist came towards my face.

I grabbed her fist with my hand,

She was pretty strong,but I wasn't weak either.

"Fighting with an injured girl?" I said,"wow,that's so low,Ackerman."

"Stop it,you two," Alicia said,and came between us.

Just then Mina came up and said,

"Sophielle,Jeager and Kirchtein want to talk to you."

Mikasa seemed a bit surprised by what she said,but I walked towards the door.

I closed the door behind me and leaned on it,my arms crossed against my chest.

I could tell that the other two didn't want to be here.

Both of them were looking very akward.

"Um," Eren spoke first," Me and Kirchtein here,"

he elbowed Jean who looked up,

"We want to apologize," he said.

I stared at the two.

_Are they bloody serious?..._

"Um," Jean said,"It was wrong for me to throw Jeager at your -"

"Your Pathetic," I told them.

They looked at me,surprised,

"The two of you won't agree on anything," I said," So your obviously here against your will."

"No we no-"

"I'm guessing," I said," since Mikasa hates me,Arlet tried convincing you to apologize, Jeager.

As for you,Kirchtein,Bodt tried to convince you."

The two of them looked at me,shocked.

"Judging by your expressions," I said," I'm right.

However,despite the fact that their your best friends,both of you are too hot headed to listen to them."

"We're not-"

"Now," I interrupted them again,"Springer and half of your comrades would be too busy laughing at you for being beat up by a girl.

But there are two big-brother figures all of you look up to,Hoover and Braun."

"And since Hoover's too much of a coward to say something without his boyfriend,

I'm guessing Braun was the one who told you to apologize."

The two looked at me,shock clear on their faces.

"Anyways," said Eren awkwardly,

"Will you accept our apology?"

"No." I said and walked away.


	10. Chapter 10

_So this is chapter ten!_

_Fist of all,thanks for the reviews you guys have given me!_

_And,to answer some one's question,no._

_I am honestly not that cold in real life._

_I'm a pretty cheerful person._

_Anyway's hope you guy's enjoy._

_This chapter just clears my opinion of Krista Lenz._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

"Titans greatly resemble human beings in that they are bipedal creatures with the same number and arrangement of limbs and features one would expect in human beings..."

I heard a yawn from behind me.

It was Ymir,sitting next to Krista.

It was the afternoon,and we were having our daily lessons.

Frey,who was to my right,also turned around to see who had yawned.

Ymir spotted us and glared at us, giving us a _Do you mind? _look.

Frey rolled her eyes and looked at the board,taking notes.

I gave Ymir another look,and my eyes met Krista's.

Krista and I weren't close.

Despite being a goddess to the others,I knew she was a phony,and I basically hated her.

Krista gave me an apologetic smile on Ymir's behalf,who was quietly snoring in the middle of the lesson.

I looked ahead again.

"Titans almost universally possess widened mouths with an enormous number of small, square teeth, though some have been known to possess only canines."

I nudged Alicia,who had a droopy look in her eyes.

I realized that half of the class was either asleep,or not paying attention to the lesson.

I looked around the class.

Jean was asleep,and next to him,Marco had a tired look in his eyes.

Connie and Sasha were asleep.

Behind them,Reiner was yawning and Bertholt's head was low and I couldn't see his face,so I assumed he was asleep.

In front of them were Annie and Mina. Mina was trying to take some notes,while Annie,though awake,had her chin resting on her hand.

Thomas and Sameul were yawning,and Daz was snoring.

In front of me were the trio.

Eren had his chin in his hand,and his head was slowly getting lower.

Armin was awake,but he did seem tired.

Mikasa was the only one really awake,with a straight posture,like me.

I didn't exactly blame them for being bored.

We were just summarizing what we had learnt the whole past month.

The teacher had his back towards us,busy drawing a diagram on the board while droning on in a robotic voice.

Eren's head suddenly hit his desk,causing Reiner to suddenly wake and say something like, "We're gonna have to find it!"

This caused the whole class to wake up.

The teacher looked at us.

He wasn't exactly happy with us.

Fortunately,some one rang the bell halfway through his scolding.

The class started quickly making their way out the door.

I waited a while for most of the people to leave,then quickly got up.

I walked outside with Frey and Alicia heading to the next class,English.

"Hey,Sophielle!" I turned around.

It was had a book in her hand,my book.

"You guys go ahead," I nodded and walked away.

Behind her,Ymir was standing at the door,glaring at me.

"You forgot your book," she said,smiling.

I took it and asked,"Why did you take it from the desk?"

She gave me a confused look and said, "To give it to you,of course."

"Why," I asked, "Sooner or later,I would have realized that it's missing,and would have gone to take it.

Why did you do that for me?"

She thought for a moment, "Kindness, It's always nice to be good and kind to-"

"Don't be kind to me," I interrupted.

She stared at me, "But-"

"Don't _ever_ be kind to me."

"Why-"

You might regret it." I said and walked away.

* * *

"_Damn_, these crates are heavy." Frey muttered.

We were carrying all the food crates that had arrived in the camp.

The sun was already setting

"No,not really," I said,lifting three at a time.

Frey rolled her eyes."Do you need any help?" I asked.

"No thanks,Captain America," she said.

We carried the crates off the cart and towards the kitchens.

"I'd rather be listening to that boring lecture than do this," said Alicia,struggling under the weight of the crate.

"Agreed." Frey muttered as she set it down.

"By the way," asked Alicia, " What did Krista want?"

I put one crate over the other. "She wanted to return my book." I said quietly.

"That's girl's a cutie," said Frey,smiling, "she has such an innocent face."

"Don't let Ymir hear you say that." Alicia warned jokingly.

"Yeah," I said,setting the crates down on a shelf, "she wouldn't like any competition."

Frey laughed." Come on," she said, "Let's go have dinner."

"So," Alicia pointed her spoon at Frey, "A panda can join the South Regiment?"

"Of course it can!" said Frey, "Besides,they need more soldiers."

Somehow,our conversation,which had started about the Military Brigade ended with pandas.

It had been quite amusing though,seeing the two argue while we ate dinner.

"Just think about it," said Frey, "It could just be like a one loves pandas!"

I pushed some hair out of my face and said,

"So the panda is there to encourage the soldiers to sacrifice their lives for a miserable cause?"

"If it's not busy trying to save itself first," Alicia added.

I looked around the hall.

Surprisingly,Ymir and Krista were sitting with Connie,Sasha and the trio.

They were talking about something,and most of them seemed happy.

"You know," said Frey, "we hadn't had such a fun conversation in quite a while."

She seemed a bit sad.I didn't blame her.

Ever since we'd arrived here,things were always so serious.

Besides,I wasn't the same anymore .I wasn't the friend they knew anymore,and it didn't help to know this fact.

"Yeah," said Alicia, "These conversations were usually done by Maxy and Sophielle."

My head snapped up,Alicia frowned,like she was remembering something.

"Maxy..." said Frey quietly," hey,you guys remember Maxy right?"

"Ofcourse," I said, "Maximillius was our best friend."

Maximillius,or Maxy was the fourth person in our group.

He was the same age as me,and was closer to me than my parents.

Or atleast,he had been.

"I miss him," said Alicia sadly.

"Me too," said Frey, "The guy would stand in front of the Colossal Titan and still have the courage to make a joke of its bare butt."

"I miss him too," I said quietly, "I owe Maximillius one."

It was Maxy who had introduced me to the anime,and I was very grateful.

Frey grinned, "He hated it when you used his full name."

"Precisely why I used it." I replied.

Frey and Alicia started talking about pandas again so I tuned them out.

Pushing some hair out of my face again,I looked around the hall again.

Connie's eyes caught first he stared at me,then quickly said something in a whisper to the others.

Him, Eren and Krista started arguing about something.

Disinterested,I turned my attention to the other two again.

"Hey,is Krista coming here?" Frey asked suddenly.

I turned my was true,Krista was marching towards our table.

She had a confident,happy look on her face while the people on her previous table all had their gazes on her.

"Hello, guys!" she said happily.

Frey and Alicia greeted back,but I kept on staring at her,not speaking.

She looked at me and asked, "Can I sit with you guys?"

Before either of the two could reply,I said "No."

Frey gave me a look,but I ignored it.

"Oh," Krista said,then looked back at her friends.

"You guys can come to our table," she said, "Come on."

"Why?" I asked.

All three pairs of eyes turned towards me.

"What?" Krista asked,confused.

"I told you not to be kind to me." I said.

Krista smiled at me, "But you didn't give me a reason,so I decided-"

I stood up.

Bending down,I whispered into Krista's ears,loud enough for only the two of us to hear.

"I said that you might regret it Krista.I know what you really are,you thrive on the fact that people view you as a kind person.

I don't,cause I know that you're a phony whose helpless and all alone.

Deep down you're a pathetic,hopeless person, Historia."

I straightened up.

Tears were flowing down Krista's face.

She ran out of the hall,which was deadly silent.

The silence was broken by an angry scream.

Before I knew it,Ymir's fist came hurtling towards me.

I bent my legs down to dodge,then grabbed her arm and twisted cried out in pain.I kicked her in the shins and she fell face first on the floor.

Quickly,I walked out of the mess hall.

* * *

"You shouldn't have done that."

I looked up from my book to see Frey's scowling face glaring at me.

We were in the cabin,I was sitting crosslegged against the wall on my bed with Frey and Alicia with me too.

"Done what?" I asked.I knew what she was talking about,but I decided to ask anyway.

"Be mean to Krista," said Alicia disapprovingly.

"What's you're problem with her anyway?" Frey asked.

I closed my book and replied,

"She'

s a guys can't see that,but I 's why I hate her so much."

Frey stared at me,her eyes weren't angry anymore,

"You didn't have to say it to her face and make her cry."

"She's right," said Alicia, "That was wrong."

"I just wanted to let her know that she couldn't fool every one." I replied.

Frey sighed and looked cabin was mostly full except for Krista and Ymir.

"What if she isn't a phony?How can you know that?"

Somehow this made me angry, but I still remained calm,

"How can you know that-"

"Okay!Lights out!"

It was the instructor.

She was ordering us to go to bed.

Alicia muttered a soft "night" and the two left.

Pretty soon the whole cabin was dark,save from the moonlight that was coming through my window.

I was still sitting crosslegged,my head resting against the wall.

_They don't trust me anymore..._

I brought my knees to my chest,wrapping my arms around them.

For the first time,I brought my scarf up to my nose,hiding my face in it.

_I wish you were here..._

I didn't remember the person who had given my the scarf,only his voice.

It sounded so reassuring,so safe,so nice.

_Like Maxy's..._

I missed my best friend.I wished he was here.

With me,with us.

Just the four of that things would go back to the way they were.

_Just the four of us..._

I heard the door being opened.

Assuming it was Krista and Ymir,I lay down and went to sleep.

* * *

_Did you guys enjoy it?_

_Please tell me in the reviews._

_Bye bye!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Hey guys!_

_I really hope you like this chapter!_

_Though I think I didn't put that much effort in it._

_Anyways,remember when I said that raining will take thirty chapters?_

_Make it fifty because I have three main stories,_

_that will all happen during the training years since afterwards,_

_They just don't have time._

_So,Enjoy!_

* * *

_29 August 847_

_I quietly walked down the streets of the ruins of Shinganshina._

_I was dreaming again._

_Or at least,I thought it was a dream._

_I wasn't exactly sure._

_This had been happening ever since my first dream.I didn't come here everyday,but mostly,every other day._

_This was the place where the titan shifters went in their dreams._

_Most of them,I had spotted._

_Reiner,Annie and Bertholt,even Ymir._

_I'd never actually talked to them._

_Everytime I spotted some one,I'd run in the other direction._

_Shinganshina was a big place,so I could roam wherever I wanted._

_I walked an empty street in Shinganshina,then walked up to a house._

_Half of it was crushed by a big pillar,but the other part was mostly intact._

_I opened the door,moving rubble out of the way.I walked into a living room._

_It was perfectly intact,nothing was wrong except that it was very dusty and unclean._

_I walked towards a bookshelf and picked up a random book.I blew some dust off it,then sat down on a chair._

_Everything here was filthy.I'd always been somewhat of a clean freak,so I didn't exactly like the place._

_I quickly stood up,deciding to read the book while standing._

_I opened the book and was about to read when..._

I woke up.

I sat straight on my bed,rubbing my eyes.

Every one was asleep.I looked outside the window, it was almost dawn,an hour before we woke up.

This had become a regular thing now.

Whenever I had those dreams,I woke up at this time.

I didn't mind though,it was actually very benefitial.I jumped off the bed,landing quietly on my feet.

Walking towards my chest,I took out my uniform and headed towards the washrooms.

After showering ,I put on the uniform and quietly headed out.

The crisp,damp air hit my wet hair in a refreshing manner.

I looked around for any soldiers or instructors.

Finding none,I headed towards the grounds.

I made my way to the poles on which we had our aptitude practice.I lifted the wires in the air,then jumped to grab the hooks.

Connecting the hooks to my belt,I steadied myself in the air.

Suddenly,I let myself lose my balance,now hanging upside down.

Quickly,I brought my legs down,balancing myself again.

I lost my balance again,and then got up again.

My long hair kept on touching the dirt,making me mentally cringe.

_Should've put them in a ponytail._

I thought of using my scarf as a band,but then decided against it.

I kept on doing it again,and again.

This was my personal method of training.

Unlike Mikasa,who like to lock herself up in dungeons,I liked more open methods of training.

I brought my head and legs close to my chest,then started rotating my body in a somersault.

Faster and faster,I tried to rotate as fast as I could.I stopped,panting lightly.

We were going to start our Maneuver gear training soon,so I was trying to prepare my body for it.

I tried remembering some of the moves from the anime.

They seemed pretty impossible,but I had to do them.

I remembered the first episode,its first scene.

I leaned my back,till it was like I was laying on my back on some invisible floor.

Trying hard to maintain my balance,I twisted my body,until I was horizontally rotating.

One spin,then spin the other way.

Two spins,then two spins the other way.

Three spins,then three spins the other way.

I stopped,this was the limit the wires would allow.I slowly catched my breath.

I detached the hooks and dropped down on the ground.

Putting the wires in place,I walked back to the grounds.

On the way,I spotted an instructor walking towards the cabins so I started running.

Quietly opening the door,I took off my jacket and placed it in my chest.

Then I climbed up to my bed,pulling the sheets over me.

Five minutes later,Lydia came in to wake us up.

I sat straight on my bed,dropping down on to the floor.

The girls knew that I trained,so they didn't ask me about being in my uniform.

Lydia would eye me,but she hadn't said anything yet.

"Alright,listen up!" Lydia shouted,

"You're going to start your Maneaveur Gear training today!

We're gonna have to travel so bath and get ready."

We saluted and walked towards the washrooms.

After bathing,I put on my uniform and headed towards the mirrors.

"Morning." I said to Frey and Alicia.

"Hey," Frey said,putting her straps on, "Excited?"

"Very." I said,emotionless.

Alicia snorted.

"I am," she said, "It's going to be so fun!"

"No it's not," said Frey, "It's going to be grueling,plus you're also ignoring the fact that we may die."

"If I do," replied Alicia, "I'm going out in style."

Frey took out a pin out of Alicia's hair and pulled some hair out of her face.

"You're hair are crazy long," said Frey, "What are you going to do about them?"

My hair were crazy long,knee length,but I wasn't planning on cutting them.

"I'm putting them in a high ponytail," I said.

"And what about you're bangs?" asked Alicia,putting her hair up in her usual pigtails,"

they always cover half of your face."

"It's alright," I said, "I can still see properly."

I took a pin out of her hair,causing her hair to fall on her face.

"But I'll keep a pin just in case." I said and put it in my breast pocket.

I gave myself a final look in the mirror.

I had my hair in a high ponytail,with my hair concealing half of my face.

My purple scarf was loosely in a loop around my neck,perfect.

Alicia had her blonde hair in high pigtails,and Frey's shorter hair were open with one pin in her hair.

"Come on," I said, "Let's go."

* * *

"Attention you pathetic pieces of Titan Shit!" Shadis shouted

_Titan's don't defactate..._

"From now on you'll be starting you're Gear training!

It's going to be grueling and pretty soon you maggots will be begging to be eaten by a titan!

I will work you so hard you're going to wish that you'd never been born!"

"Yes Sir!" We saluted.

We were in front of a big forest.

We had arrived here by carriages.

Three of them were full of 3d gear.

Other instructors were unloading them,while Shadis talked.

"Now," said Shadis, "You'll each be given you're will be yours for these three years.

Should you break it,you'll be kicked out of the military before you can say Shit.

Understand?"

"Yes Sir!"

"Well then," the other soldiers will teach you how to put it on,then you'll follow me."

With that he dismissed us.

I walked towards an instructor with Frey and Alicia.

We'd been learning about it for the past two weeks,so we knew the parts.

The instructor gave us our gear,without the blades then showed us how to put it on.

It was quite light.I quickly put it on,attaching it to my belt.

I grabbed the hand grips.

They had a handle and threeo buttons.

It was used for shooting the wires and the buttons were for re attaching the hooks and releasing the gas.

"Wow this is so awesome." Frey muttered.

I nodded.

After putting it on,we followed Shadis into the forest.

He told us to stand under a tree each.

After standing under a tree himself,he said,

"We'll know start the most basic exercise.

Everyone!Fire the wires in the branch above you!"

"Yes Sir!"

I looked up to the branch above me.

Grabbing the handgrips,I shot both wires into the branch.

I looked was shouting at a cadet who had missed.

I looked around.

Almost every one had done it right.

"Now," Shadis said, "the third button pulls the wire in without the hook,allowing you to go up.

Slowly press the right button,or else you'll smash right into the tree.

Press the button slowly until you're halfway up to the branch,then swing while you press the gas so that you land on top of the branch."

_Sounds easy enough..._

Shadis gave the go.

Instead of pressing it slowly,I went as fast as I could and then did a back flip so that my foot landed on the branch,then I quickly pushed myself up.

I looked had done this too and she was on top of the branch.

Pretty soon,everyone managed to get on their branches.

I nodded towards Frey and Alicia.

I pulled the hooks in the black box.

"Good work," Shadis called.

"Now keep on doing this until you reach the top of the tree."

These trees were fifty meters long,so we had a pretty long way to go.

Most of the cadets started underestimating the exercise,and an hour later,we had seven injured cadets.

I was halfway up to the tree.

"After you're done,go down again ans start again."

He left us.I looked at Mikasa.I could see the challenge in her eyes.

_Let's make it a race Ackerman._

I shot the hooks in the next branch and pressed both the buttons.

Instead of landing on the branch,I pulled in the hooks and pressed the gas button,giving me an extra lift.

I fired the hooks in the third branch and went up.

I looked at the Mikasa,she had also skipped two branches.

Most of the cadets looked at us in awe.

Ignoring them,I went up time skipping three branches.

Mikasa was doing the same.

She had excepted my challenge.

It was a race now.

I kept on going up,skipping as many branches as I could.

Thinking of a plan,I jumped off the tree.

Quickly,I shot the hooks in the trunk,quite far up.

Then I pulled myself up.

Mikasa caught up with me in no time.

I decided to keep going on with this tecnique.

I could see the last branch now.

Firing the hooks in the trunk,I started running up the tree.

I looked to my right,Mikasa was doing the same.

I started going up faster,determined to win.

As I neared the branch,I jumped off the trunk and landed neatly on the branch.

Mikasa did so at the same time.

It was a tie.

_Damn it._

Mikasa and I kept on staring at each other with emotionless faces.

I broke the silence, "We have to restart now."

She didn't say anything and shot her hooks in the trunk.

I looked down,Bertholt was coming up fast,behind him was Annie,then Reiner,then Jean,Marco,Sasha,Frey and Alicia,Connie and Eren.

The other's I couldn't see.

I watched as Mikasa swinged off the branch and landed on the one below it.

_This is going to take too long..._

I jumped off the branch.

I felt myself falling,the wind whipping around me.

I caught glimpses of some cadets shocked faces,and then heard Alicia's scream.

What I also saw was Mikasa coming at me,thinking I had slipped.

Before she could catch up to me,I fired my right hook into the trunk and pressed gas as I swung around the trunk,pulling the hook back in just before I landed neatly on the ground.

_21 seconds..._

I looked up.

Mikasa was standing at the branch above me,her eyes wide.

Alicia and Frey landed on the ground next to me.

"Sophielle!" Alicia cried,grabbing my shoulders, "Are you alright?"

She started searching for any bruises.

"I'm fine." I said, "I did this on purpose."

"Are you crazy!?" Frey shouted.

"Come on," I said, "Get beck in position."

"You shouldn't have done that," I looked was Mikasa.

"It was a pretty risky move." she said quietly.

I stared at her,then said, "Get off my tree."

"Hey,are you guys alright?" Reiner called.

He and Bertholt were standing on the branch on a tree,along with Marco,Historia and Eren.

"Nothing happened," I said, "It wasn't an accident."

We started to train again.

It was getting pretty easy.I was running over the trunks while somersaulting every once in a while.

The others were getting there too.

Frey was going quite fast,and Alicia was swinging like an expert.

Reiner was to my left,below me.

Eren was to my right,and next to him was Mikasa.

I jumped off the trunk,firing my hooks upper.

Eren kept on glancing at me and Mikasa.

He was skipping a branch at a time.

_He's gonna slip and die._

I kept on glancing at him out of the corner of my eye.

Then he did something that surprised me.

He shot his hooks in the trunk and started running upward.

"Eren!" Mikasa shouted,stopping.

But he kept on going on.

I kept on glancing down at him,waiting till he reached the end of the wire.

He pulled the hooks in and then shot them upwards.

Unfortunately he slipped,the hooks missing the trunk.

_Oh, shit._

In a second,I had fired my hooks into his tree,hurtling towards him.

Mikasa did the same.

I pulled in my hooks,falling like him.

_He's dropping too fast.I can't reach him!_

He fell onto a thin branch,which broke and he kept on falling.

Luckily that slowed him down.I reached my hand out.

I shot my hooks into a tree,releasing the wire as I tried to reach him.

_Got him!_

I grabbed his I looked up.

Mikasa was coming straight at knocked into me.

I let go of Eren's hand.

I pulled myself back,landing on a branch.

Fortunately,Mikasa grabbed Eren's hand when I let go.

She propped him against the trunk of the tree in front of me.

She checked to see if he was injured,then hugged him.

She then glared at me.

I glared back.

_What are looking at me for,bitch?_

_I would've saved him._

I got up and landed on the branch they were on.

I sat down next to Eren,but Mikasa came in my way.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" she shouted.

"Checking to see if he's alive." I spat and placed my hand on his neck.

He had a was alive.

He opened his eyes,

"W-what happened?"

"You almost died." I said.

His gear was badly than that he was fine.

"Eren!" Mikasa pushed me aside.

"Are you alright!?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he said, "my back hurts."

"Get him to the ground." I said and jumped off.

Mikasa landed next to me,putting Eren on the ground.

People started crowding around us.

"Is he alright?" Alicia asked,bending down.

"Yeah." I muttered.

"Are you alright?" Frey asked.

"What the hell happened!?"

It was Shadis,along with Lydia.

Armin explained what happened.

After shouting at us,Shadis ordered us to get in the carriages.

_Good.I'm ready to go home now._

* * *

"What the fuck happened!?"

Me and Mikasa were standing in front of Shadis,in his office.

We had returned back to camp.

Eren was in the infirmary,while the others were eating dinner.

Some one told Shadis about how me and Mikasa were training,and he didn't look pretty happy about it.

"It's you're fault that Jeager's in the infirmary!"

"Sir," I said, "If I may,we saved Eren from dying."

"Yes Sir," Mikasa spoke up, "It's a good thing we trained like managed to save Eren."

Shadis glared at us.

_By now you should realize you're looks won't work against the two of us._

"If you two ever pull a stunt like that again," he shouted,

"You will be expelled!Got it?"

"Yes Sir!"

He then dismissed us.

As soon as we were out,Mikasa turned on her heels and walked away from me.

I stood there for a few minutes.

Resting my head against the wall,I thought.

_Eren could have died._

_If he did,the world would not have been introduced to titan shifters._

_Maybe the world would be better if he had died._

_So isn't this place better off without him._

I sighed and walked down the empty corridor.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello!_

_I know it's been a really long while but school started so I had very little free time._

_Anyways..._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_22 October 847_

"Ready?" Frey asked.

"Ready." I replied.

We were doing hand to hand combat training.I was partnered with Frey.I had the wooden knife,Frey was supposed to get it.

I put the knife in my right hand and put it behind my back.

I nodded.

She returned the nod and then lunged at me.

She went straight for the knife.I quickly turned around.

Frey was now in my place and I was in hers.

"You're not going to disarm me with that strategy,"I said, "Try another one."

"You're the one hiding the knife!" she said, "You're supposed to be attacking me,you know."

"Ok,"I said,and lunged towards her,swinging the knife from upwards.

She dodged and grabbed my arm.I twisted it,causing her to lose her grip.I threw her on the ground and pointed the knife at her throat.

She stared at it,then smirked, "You win."

I grabbed her hand and helped her up.

"Don't go straight for the knife,"I advised, "Try to dodge as much as you can and try to weaken you're opponent.

Then,when they're vulnerable,you attack once more and then take the knife.

And if you can't,don't.

It's better to fight another day than to die foolishly."

Frey smirked, "You certainly didn't follow that strategy."

"I'm serious," I said,putting my hand on her shoulder, "What if you ever face a titan?Instead of being the hero,

care about your safety more than others.

If you don't do that,you're going to die pretty soon."

Frey's face tuned shocked, "Don't tell me..." she whispered.

"What?" I asked quickly, "What's wrong?"

"You've turned into Mikasa!" she whispered.

Seeing my wide eyes,she burst out laughing.

My face went back to its emotionless form.

"I'm not like Mikasa." I said.

"Sure you aren't." she replied.

"Change Partners!" an instructor shouted.

"See you later," Frey said and walked towards Alicia.

I nodded and stood there,waiting for my partner.

_I'm not like Mikasa.I'm not an over obsessive freak who only cares about one person in the whole world._

_How could she even think that?..._

"Um,H-hi Sophielle."

I looked was Bertholt.

_He's my partner._

"It's my turn to have the knife now." he said nervously.

I quietly handed him the knife.

He was sweating a lot.

_Filthy..._

I only reached Bertholt's chin,and he was quite skilled in hand to hand combat.

_So why is he so scared?_

I put my fists up,like Annie,and nodded.

He put himself in the same stance,knife in his right hand,and gave a nervous nod.

As soon as he completed his nod,I lunged at him.

Instead of going for the knife,I gave him a high kick in the ribs.

He doubled in pain.I kicked his face.

He fell on the ground.

I grabbed him by the hair,and picked him up,forcing him to sit on his knees.

I kicked him straight in the gut.

He dropped the knife.

I picked it him by the hair,

I used the knife and made a move of slitting his throat.

But instead,I scratched the knife hard against his throat.

This caused some blood to trickle down his neck.

I then kicked him again in the face,causing him to fall on the ground again.

I looked at the knife.

It had some of his blood on it.

_This is probably the only time_

_the asshole's spilled some blood._

_His own blood,that is._

"G-good work."

I looked up was on his feet.

He had a bit of a scared look.

"It's your t-turn to take the knife now." he said shakily.

His bruise was gone now.

Some how,that got me angry.

Without waiting for him to get ready,I ran towards him.

I jumped,and gave him a flying kick in the face.

He fell on the ground.

I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up.

Still gripping his hair,I kneed him in the face.

_You've spilled a lot of blood,titan._

_Maybe it's time to see you're own._

I kneed him again in the face.

_I wonder if you can sleep at night._

_Don't those helpless,dead faces bother you at all!_

_Have you never considered any single fucking thing you've ever done!?_

I kneed him started coughing blood,spilling it on my uniform.

_You've killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people._

_Why?Why don't you tell me why!_

_Was it nice seeing all that blood?_

_When you walk through the ruins of Shinganshina every night,_

_does it calm you when you see pools of blood and puddles of vomited bodies covered in saliva?_

I kicked him in the gut,hearing crunching sounds.

My face was still emotionless as ever as I kicked him again and again.

I wasn't bothered by the amount of blood that was spilled on me.

In fact,I was enjoying it.I was enjoying seeing him suffer for all he had done.

He deserved this.

He deserved to die in the cruelest,painfulest,slowest way possible.

I kneed him in the face again,breaking his nose.

I was pretty sure he had passed out by now,but I didn't care.

The more pain he would be in,the better.

"STARKE!" Shadis shouted.

I kicked Bertholt in the face one last time.

He fell on the floor,passed out.

I looked at my uniform.

Blood was on my shirt,my jacket,my pants,my scarf,my face.

I looked had surrounded us,their faces a mixture of fear and horror.

Frey and Alicia were in the front,both of them looking at me.

I could see what was in their eyes.

Disappointment,fear and horror.

_They hate me..._

Giving Bertholt one last emotionless look,I walked out of the crowd towards Shadis with my head held high.

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT,STARKE!?

"I accidentally beat Bertholt Hoover to such an extent that he ended up in the infirmary,sir,"I replied calmly.

I was in Shadis's office while to others were at lunch.

He got up from behind his table and stood in front of me,his face inches away from mine,

but I remained calm and stared at him directly in the eyes.

"Give me," he said slowly, "one good reason why you shouldn't be shipped off to the fields right now."

_I can think of a number of reasons..._

"Because I want to join the South Regiment," I replied, "I am either the best,or the second best cadet among the trainees.I will be a highly valuable asset to humanity,sir."

He continued staring at me,then spat at my face.I closed my eyes,trying not to let anger take control of me.

Shadis straightened and shouted, "That's a pathetic,shitty excuse Starke!"

Keeping my eyes closed, I said, "I apologize Sir,but I'm afraid that's the only reason I can give you.I only joined the military so that I could join the Legion and prove myself more useful to humanity than some farmer."

He stared down at me,while I opened my eyes and stared straight ahead.

He pounded his fist against his desk,emitting a loud noise.

"Lunch has probably finished by now," he said quietly, "You are going to skip you're lessons today and spend the afternoon cleaning all the dishes.

No one will help you."

_That's a bit unfair,considering there are more than a hundred people in this damned camp..._

"Yes Sir." I replied calmly.

"You may fuck off now." he said,sitting behind his desk again.

I saluted and turned,marching out of the door.

Once outside in the corridor,I wiped his spit from my face using a cloth,then walked towards the kitchens.

* * *

"Here it is," the cook said.

I stared at the large room,filled with enormous piles of bowls,plates and only two sinks.

"When you're finished,lock the door," he said as he handed me the keys.

I nodded."And clean yourself up before you start." he said and walked out of the door.

I tilted my head to the left and wondered what he meant by that,then realized I was still covered in Bertholt's blood.

_Oh._

I walked to a sink and washed my face.I watched as red mixed with water as it went down the drain.

I stared at the sink for some time,then washed my face .

My hands were lightly coated with red.I rubbed my face.

Seeing no red,I washed it again.

_What if there's still blood?_

I rubbed my face again.

_What if I'm still dirty?_

I rolled up my sleeves,washing my the steel wool pad,I started rubbing it against my arms.

_I don't like being dirty._

The metal sponge dug into my skin,and soon my arms were bleeding.

I dropped the sponge and washed my arms.

_I hate being dirty...I hate it!_

Tears came in my eyes,as I desperately tried to wash the blood off.

_Why isn't it coming off!?_

_I want it to come off!_

I collapsed on the ground,my back against the shelf.

I grabbed my head and closed my eyes as tears streamed down my face.

_I can prevent a lot of deaths.I can stop the murder of the entire humanity,so why don't I?_

_Why don't I just kill the three of them!?_

_Why can't I just act now!?_

_Why!?_

I pounded my fist against the shelf.A couple of plates fell on broke on the floor.

I grabbed my head again,sobbing.

"Why can't I just get this over with?" I sobbed.

"Because I'm weak?Because I'm afraid?" I whispered.

"Why can't I just do it?"

My arms felt hot as they healed.I stared at them.

The blood was gone.

Steam slowly evaporated into the air.

_That's right.I can't kill them!_

_Why can't I kill them?_

_Why can't I just kill myself?_

I pounded my head against the and again,till I could fell it getting hot and wet.

I buried my bruised head in my arms and quietly cried.

_I hate myself!_

* * *

_He looks so peaceful..._

Bertholt was sleeping in the infirmary.I was standing next to him.

It was about half an hour before the cadets would be called for dinner.

Since I didn't have to go to my lessons today,I decided to pay him a visit.

The hospital was very enough,there were no doctors or nurses,though I didn't the other patients were asleep.

Daz was there because he had been fighting with was Marco,who slipped and cracked his head while fighting with Jean.

Armin was also sleeping.I didn't know why he was here but he had been fighting with Krista so I couldn't decide whether the injury could be serious or not.

After my break down,I'd quickly cleaned the dishes and the blood.

After that,I had come here.

Bertholt was lying on his back,his arms to his sides.

He was covered in a lot of bandages,though I was sure he didn't actually need them.

I tilted my head to the left,staring at him.

This become a habit since when I tilted my head,my hair would move out of my face and I could see better.

I was leaning against the wall.

The infirmary was silent,just like I wanted.

I looked at Bertholt's was calm and almost...happy.

_Are you in Shinganshina,Bertholt?But if you are,then why are you so happy?_

_I don't like it when I go to Shinganshina._

_I think it's a terrible._

_There just so much blood..._

_I don't like blood._

I felt like a child,arguing about something highly irrelevant.

He was a monter,some one who deserved to die.

I flexed my left wrist.A dagger fell in my hand.

I brought it close to his face.

_You deserve to die,Bertholt._

The dagger touched his cheek.I trailed it along his cheek.

_You're a monster,Bertholt._

The tip of the dagger trailed down his cheek to his neck.

I raised it.

_Monsters should die._

I lowered it,slowly,till it rested on his neck again.

My hands were shaking.

_I'm sorry._

The doors opened.

In a second,the dagger was back up my sleeve.

I didn't bother looking up to the person.

Their footsteps echoed across the large infirmary.

The stopped on the other side of Bertholt's bed.I still didn't bother looking up though.I kept staring at Bertholt,my head tilted.

"What are you doing here?" they asked.I recognized the voice,it was Annie Leonhart.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked,still looking down, "What are you doing here,Leonhart?"

"Visiting." she replied.

"Why?" I asked, " The two of you aren't don't talk,don't meet,

don't t get assigned to each other in groups."

"I'm not here because I want to be," she replied, " An instructor told me to go check on him and Armin."

"Then go check on him," I said,nodding towards Armin.

She remained quite,but didn't move.

I kept quite too,still staring at Bertholt.

After a few seconds,she walked towards Armin.

After checking up on him,she started walking towards the door.

"Hey Annie," I said and looked up.

She stopped,and turned towards me.

"Have you ever killed a person?"

She stared at me.

I pushed myself of the wall and tilted my head towards her.

"Why do you want to know?" she asked.

"Plain curiosity," I said and stared at Bertholt,

"In this world,a human killing a human is astonishing,something unheard of for most people.

Ever since the titans appeared,humanity united for the first time under one purpose,to survive."

"What's your point?" she asked.

"I don't believe that," I said,

"No matter what happens,we're all the same.

We love death.

We have a special lust for it.

To be able to decide a person's fate,it makes you feel happy.

Believe me,when some one else becomes nothing but an ant beneath your boot,you'll crush them.

It makes you feel... real."

I looked up at her emotionless face.

"Rambling aside," I said, "I just want to know how many of the people that I consider friends and comrades have ever had the opportunity to become the titan instead of the mere human."

"Have you ever killed someone?" she asked, "you seem to know an awful lot about how it feels to kill a person."

A sudden image of five three men lying in a puddle of blood and snow flashed through my mind.

Giving Bertholt one last look,I quietly passed Annie and walked out of the infirmary.

* * *

I walked into the mess hall.

Ignoring the looks most people were giving me,I walked over to Frey and Alicia.

The two were talking to each other,but they stopped when they saw me.

I sat down next to Alicia,with Frey on the other bench.

Not speaking,I quietly took a bite of the bread I had gotten.

Frey was staring at the table with Alicia occasionally giving us nervous glances.

I didn't bother looking around the hall to find people glaring at me.

After a few minutes of silence,I asked, "So,what did we learn today?"

Frey kept glaring at the table,so I turned to Alicia.

Avoiding my gaze,she said,

"Not much,really.

The only new thing we learned was about the trade routes between Trost and Karanese."

I nodded,then took a sip of water.

Before I set the mug down,Frey asked,

"What's wrong with you?"

She was glaring at me.I stared at her.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Why the hell did you beat up Bertholt!?"

"H-hey," Alicia said, "Come on,let just forge-"

"No," said Frey glaring at she looked at me, "Tell me."

I looked down at my empty plate, "the whole point of the exercise was to-"

"Oh shut up!" she said loudly, "why did you go that far?"

"It doesn't matter now," I said quietly.

"Why!?You think you're just going to act like this towards every one and I'll just-"

"I'm sorry." I said.

Frey stared at wasn't like me to apologize to anyone.

"I went too far," I said,staring at my mug, "It was wrong,and I'm sorry."

I looked at Alicia, "I'm sorry to you too.I just became angry over nothing.I'll try to never do that again."

Her green eyes stared at me."I'm tired," I said,getting up.

"Goodnight."

I walked out of the mess hall.

Once outside,I made my way up to the cabins.

Closing the door,I blew out every lantern and candle in the empty room.

Moonlight filled the up to my bed,I crossed my legs and leaned against the wall.

I stared out of the moon was full tonight.I stared at it for a few minutes,then jumped off the bed.

Walking over to my chest,I rummaged inside it and pulled out a gold necklace.

It was Pastor Nick's necklace.

_I hope it brings you good luck,child..._

taking off my scarf,I put it on and then hid it under the scarf.

Climbing back up,I sat down,facing the window.

I clasped my hands together and closed my eyes.

For the first time in my life,I prayed.

* * *

_Hope you guys enjoyed it!_

_Please review!_

_Bye!_


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